Welcome, houseguests! How to keep your sanity and your relationship when visitors call (2024)

Oh, the joy of having friends and family come to stay in your home — spending hours reminiscing about good times, cooking delicious meals together, washing four times the normal amount of dishes, wondering if they will ever go to bed, and finding all of the towels on the floor in the guest bathroom. Welcoming others into your home can quickly turn into a stressful event without some careful planning. There are ways to be the hostess with the mostess without developing a psychosis

Keep it real
The key is to keep a hold on reality when practicing hospitality. Dr. Paul Hokemeyer has a practice specializing in marriage and family counseling based in New York City. He maintains that the ideal amount of time for a stay is "three days and two nights. Anything over a week will be too exhausting and stressful for everyone — host and guest. It is best to minimize the disruption of everyone's lives."

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Although three days and two nights is the ideal visit, Hokemeyer admits that when guests are coming from a great distance, the stay may have to be extended. When the visit is longer, more care has to be taken to reduce stress.

Having enough space for guests is an important consideration. If you only have space for two, only invite two people. Sarah Garlik, a spokeswoman for Del Webb active adult communities, notes that adults who are downsizing still want visitors. "They no longer have kids at home but they still want to have space for when the family comes to visit," she says.

This was important for Mich and Mary Ellen Barbezat who live in the Del Webb Edgewater Community in Elgin. They chose a home with a first floor master bedroom and bath and a second floor, which has a loft area, bedroom and bathroom ­— perfect for visiting family and friends. "We have sleeping quarters that are completely separate. It is great for guests," says Mich.

When guests are staying for several days, Hokemeyer recommends being clear about expectations. "Your guests can't read your mind," he says.

For example, they need to be told which bathroom and towels to use and where to put their coats. If you want them to take off their shoes before walking on the white carpet, let them know. Think about the offers you make to your guests. Don't tell them to "help yourself to anything in the kitchen," and then be disturbed when they finish off the last piece of cake.

"If you spell it all out ahead of time, everyone feels more comfortable and you will be able to end the visit as friends," says Hokemeyer.

Plan ahead
Plan out meals in advance if possible to avoid last minute trips to the grocery store or stressful conversations about "what do you want to eat?"

Naperville resident Pat Papini makes and freezes dishes and treats that can be thawed when guests arrive so she can spend time with them instead of her pots and pans. She will be having her three children and their families stay with her for a week this coming Christmas so she is trying a new approach.

"I am having each family own one meal — one meal that they have to shop for, prepare and clean up," she says. Sharing meal responsibilities is a great way to reduce stress.

Also relieving stress is noting that it's not necessary to party hearty the whole time the guests are in your home.

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"A common mistake for hosts is that they feel they need to be entertaining all of the time," says Hokemeyer. "There really needs to be a balance between together time and autonomy."

Hosts also do not need to accompany their guests everywhere. If the guests would like to go clubbing in the city, hosts shouldn't feel obligated to go with them. Even though the guests are on vacation, the host might have to get up for work the next day.

Encourage the guests to go where they wish to go, offer to take them to the train and give them a key to get back into the house. If the visit is an extended one, some time apart might be beneficial. The important thing is to talk about plans for the visit and come up with a schedule that is not too disruptive to your lifestyle.

Finally, recognize that although the house was tidy when guests arrive, it isn't going to stay that way. Instead of trying to keep everything looking perfect, accept a little clutter. After all, your guests came to see you, not Martha Stewart.

"So my house is a wreck for a week when everyone is here," says Papini. "You get to spend time with your babies with their babies. Just let go and enjoy."

Welcome, houseguests! How to keep your sanity and your relationship when visitors call (2024)

FAQs

How do you stay calm with house guests? ›

Once you've readied your place, set a relaxed tone as soon as the guests arrive. Take their bags to their room (this, literally, puts them in their place); offer treats and welcoming libations; then tour the house so they know where everything is. Finally, top-up their drinks and settle in for a chatty wind-down.

How do you deal with guests who overstay their welcome? ›

How to Handle House Guests Who Stay Too Long
  1. Make time a part of the invitation. Prevention is the key. ...
  2. Have a schedule. ...
  3. Never forget your “me” time. ...
  4. Don't let being a good host make you uncomfortable. ...
  5. Suggest an outing. ...
  6. Do something boring. ...
  7. Use body language—gently. ...
  8. Fake having to leave.
Dec 11, 2020

What is good etiquette when visiting someone's home? ›

The Golden Rules for Houseguests
  • Make your visit short and sweet. ...
  • Bring your own toiletries.
  • Make your bed and clean up after yourself. ...
  • Offer to help out, especially in the kitchen (unless your host objects).
  • Be adaptable. ...
  • Show that you're enjoying yourself.

How do you set boundaries with guests? ›

Politely let them know your available time, house rules, and if your household is free of things such as certain foods, allergens, or other products. It may seem like you're being flexible or unwelcoming, but savvy guests will be happy to know what to expect before they arrive.

What is the 3 day rule for house guests? ›

Lonely Planet co-founder Tony Wheeler was one of the first to offer a rule for house guests: “The oldest line is still the best – guests and fish begin to smell after three days. Or, like fish, guests should go off after three days.” There you have it – Rule #1: Three days max, even for family.

How do I make my houseguest feel special? ›

8 Ways to Make Your Guests Feel at Home
  1. Invest in Their Rest.
  2. Set Out the Necessities.
  3. Keep Towels in Easy Reach.
  4. Give Them Some Space.
  5. Leave a Welcome Note.
  6. Add Some Amenities.
Oct 18, 2021

How long is too long for guests to stay? ›

Anything over a week will be too exhausting and stressful for everyone — host and guest. It is best to minimize the disruption of everyone's lives." Although three days and two nights is the ideal visit, Hokemeyer admits that when guests are coming from a great distance, the stay may have to be extended.

Is it rude to overstay your welcome? ›

Overstaying Your Welcome

The cardinal rule of being a house guest is never to overstay your welcome, particularly when there has already been a set number of nights discussed. Anything more is a burden on the hosts. Don't be that guy! Avoid these mistakes, and you should be a perfect house guest welcomed back again.

When a house guest stays too long? ›

The polite way to say "Clear out of here" is "I'm so sorry that I won't be able to have you here any longer." It is not necessary to say that you are expecting someone else or have come down with smallpox. One does not need an excuse not to share one's house.

Should you go to someone's house empty handed? ›

Never arrive empty-handed.

If you're going to a long weekend at someone's cabin or beach house, check with your hostess to see what she needs you to bring, and then get an extra little something.

Who should greet first when entering a room? ›

When you enter a room you should be the first person to greet everyone there regardless of your status.. The "no elbows on the table" rule applies only when you are actually eating. When no utensils are being used, putting your elbows on the table is acceptable.

How do you set boundaries without cutting people off? ›

Healthy Boundaries in Difficult Relationships Without Cutting People Out of Your Life
  1. Make Self-Care A Priority. Self-care means giving yourself permission to listen to how you feel. ...
  2. Identify Your Limitations. ...
  3. Learn How to Say No. ...
  4. Seek Support. ...
  5. In the End.
Jan 7, 2021

How do you set boundaries politely? ›

How to set boundaries with kindness
  1. Keep the focus on your feelings and needs. Setting a boundary is about communicating what you need and expect. ...
  2. Be direct. ...
  3. Be specific. ...
  4. Use a neutral tone of voice. ...
  5. Choose the right time. ...
  6. Consider the other persons needs.
Jan 25, 2019

What is the 10x10 rule in guest service? ›

I've expanded the Disney concept in my customer service training workshops by encouraging employees to greet customers within 10 seconds of coming within 10 feet of them. I call it the 10-10 rule.

How many days should you stay at someone's house? ›

"When and where possible, try to stick to your normal routine, which may include daily exercise, consistent mealtimes and sleep/wake times, and pre-sleep activities like meditation." And, you know, maybe limit your stays to three days, four if you're really pushing it.

What is guest floor rule? ›

The guest floor or guest room must be occupied with privacy and security. Generally the room attendants or the housekeeping staffs have to enter the guest room for housekeeping purposes so they are usually responsible for ensuring room as well as guest security.

What makes a guest house attractive? ›

A guest house doesn't have to be elaborate: If it's big enough to include a bedroom or even a bed or sleeper sofa, along with at least a half-bath and maybe a mini-fridge for drinks and snacks, that should keep everyone happy. If it has extras like a living room, stove, wifi, shower, and a porch, nobody will complain.

How do you keep guests happy? ›

6 Ways to Make Hotel Guests Happy
  1. Be Reliable.
  2. Free Amenities. Amenities speak volumes. ...
  3. Reward Repeat Guests. If you have repeat guests, you must be doing something right. ...
  4. Personalize the Experience. ...
  5. Be Aware of Special Needs. ...
  6. Know the Area.
Sep 17, 2020

How do you pamper a house guest? ›

Pamper Your Guests
  1. Give the Bed a Makeover. A great set of bed coverings and pillows is an excellent place to start. ...
  2. Update your Furnishings. Check out your bedside lamps. ...
  3. Throw in Some Extras. Create a memorable personalized gift by filling a basket or tray with items to use during their stay.

Why is having house guests so exhausting? ›

Houseguests, then, are stressful to the extent that they disrupt our routines and usurp the high amount of control we normally enjoy in this personal territory. If their routines interfere with ours or if their presence restricts our normal uses of home spaces, stress is likely.

What do you say when guests are leaving? ›

We're Looking Forward To Having You Again As Our Guest

What makes a rude houseguest? ›

Be inconsiderate of time and plans.

Never show up late and expect the host family to wait for you. If you want to be extra nice, offer to help prepare the meal. It goes without saying that you should help clean up afterward. Not doing so is rude and disrespectful.

How do you tell a family member they can't stay with you? ›

Sorry! We don't have the space for houseguests at the moment” “Unfortunately we're unable to host any guests right now” “I'd love for you to visit sometime, but this weekend won't work for us!”

How do you know when you've overstayed your welcome? ›

Here are 5 signs to know that you have overstayed your welcome.
  • Everyone always retires early. For some reason, no one wants to stay up and chat anymore, they all just retire to their rooms. ...
  • No one asks if you are hungry. ...
  • How are your parents at home? ...
  • They start to ask about your mission there. ...
  • Photo Credit: Dreamstime.
Jun 24, 2016

What is it called when someone stays home all the time? ›

Answer. A person who enjoys spending time at home is called a homebody. A homebody can still have a good time going out with friends, and enjoy other aspects of a normal social life, but prefers to be home. Homebodies may like to be alone, or with family at home, or have friends come over. They don't avoid other people ...

What are the three golden words of good manners? ›

Please, sorry and thank you are known as the Golden Words. Using these three words means you have good manners.

What are the 3 principles of etiquette? ›

But etiquette also expresses something more, something we call "the principles of etiquette." Those are consideration, respect, and honesty. These principles are the three qualities that stand behind all the manners we have.

What are 5 basic etiquettes? ›

  • Greeting. As Africans, the culture of greeting is one that is held in high esteem. ...
  • Table manners. Another etiquette you should teach your child is proper table manners. ...
  • Knocking before opening the door. ...
  • Respect for others. ...
  • Speaking courteously.
Sep 5, 2022

When should you not bring a hostess gift? ›

As a general rule, hostess gifts should be given at the brunch, dinner, or co*cktail party. The one exception to this is for overnight or weekend visits.

Should you always bring something to someone's house? ›

Whether you're going to a dinner party, attending a holiday event in a coworker's home, or staying with someone for the weekend—you need to show your gratitude by bringing something to your hosts. Yes, it is still in vogue to bring a gift for the host or hostess when you go to a party or even a casual get-together.

What is etiquette when invited for dinner? ›

Don't neglect the start time listed on your invitation: You shouldn't arrive too early or too late. "Arrive on time," says Whitmore. Avoid bringing any additional guests that have not been cleared by the host of the dinner party first.

What is the first thing to do in welcoming the guest? ›

Establish eye contact

One of the first (and arguably most important) practices in greeting guests is establishing eye contact. This form of non-verbal communication helps the guest feel recognized even if you are tied up on the phone or engaged in other activities.

Should you stand when introduced to someone? ›

First, it's correct etiquette to always stand when introducing yourself (or when someone introduces you.) I had just begun to extend my hand and introduce myself to the two men…and they immediately stood. Standing puts you in a position to make that all-important eye contact at approximately the same level.

Should you say hello to a guest who comes to talk to you? ›

Both! it's not a competition. Unless you are a invited guest to a formal party, then you need to wait until the host comes up to you for introduction.

What are unhealthy boundaries? ›

Unhealthy boundaries involve a disregard for your own and others' values, wants, needs, and limits. They can also lead to potentially abusive dating/romantic relationships and increase the chances of other types of abusive relationships as well.

What are toxic boundaries? ›

Before we cover four specific boundaries, we must know the meaning of toxic boundaries. Unhealthy boundaries are any expectations or behaviors that are harmful to yourself or others in your relationships. They usually manifest as control, manipulation, or exploitation.

What are examples of boundary violations? ›

Examples of boundary violations include engaging in sexually intimate behaviors with a client and a psychotherapist disclosing her or his personal issues and life challenges with a client in an effort to receive emotional support from the client.

What are the five types of boundary violations? ›

There are other variations of boundary violations, but watching for these 10 in your own life is a good place to start.
  • 1) Lies and Deception. ...
  • 2) Manipulation. ...
  • 3) Gaslighting. ...
  • 4) Harassing, Nagging, Arguing, Convincing. ...
  • 5) Taking Advantage of a Child, Dependent Adult, or Older Adult.
Oct 18, 2021

How to deal with someone who disrespects you? ›

  1. Realize that rudeness is nothing new.
  2. Stop the spiral of rudeness.
  3. Don't take rudeness personally.
  4. React to rudeness with kindness.
  5. Use humor to defuse a difficult person.
  6. Call the person out on his or her behavior.
  7. Don't escalate.
  8. Show empathy and sympathy.
Jul 22, 2019

How do you communicate boundaries without being rude? ›

In Summary, 5 Steps to Set Healthy Boundaries

Openly communicate your boundaries to people in your life. Remind people if needed (but always stick to your boundaries) Don't be afraid to say “no” to things that don't serve you. Take time for yourself.

How do you tell someone they are overstepping boundaries? ›

Talk About Overstepping Boundaries

Remember to be polite, but stern, and use specific examples in your conversation so it's clear to the coworker what you're talking about. If possible, have this conversation while they are actually in the process of overstepping the boundaries.

How do you set boundaries and say no nicely? ›

'No' as a complete sentence: “No, thank you” or “No, thank you. I won't be able to.” (Say it, don't apologize, then shut up.) Vague but firm: “Thank you for asking me, but that is not going to work for me.” Referral/Delegation: “I won't be able to, but why don't you ask Joe?

How do you set boundaries with emotionally draining friends? ›

What is the best way to set boundaries?
  1. Take a step back. Taking a step back can help you to assess how you are feeling right now. ...
  2. Be direct. ...
  3. Be honest with yourself. ...
  4. Accept your feelings. ...
  5. Make self-care your priority. ...
  6. Stay strong.
Nov 26, 2022

How do you stay calm in front of others? ›

Smart Ways to Remain Calm
  1. Get comfortable with pausing. ...
  2. Respect people's differences. ...
  3. Be compassionate. ...
  4. Extend generosity and grace. ...
  5. Don't take people's behavior personally. ...
  6. Talk less and learn to appreciate silence. ...
  7. Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right. ...
  8. Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.

How do you stop crowd anxiety? ›

Here are some tips.
  1. Practice Breathing. mmac72 / Getty Images. ...
  2. Increase Your Awareness. Panic attacks are often accompanied by unpleasant thoughts and fear-based perceptions. ...
  3. Bring a Friend. ...
  4. Visualize a Positive Outcome. ...
  5. Get Help With Agoraphobia. ...
  6. Take It Slow and Set Goals.
Jul 6, 2020

How do you deal with social anxiety at a house party? ›

What Can Help With Party-Related Social Anxiety?
  1. Resist the Urge to Cancel.
  2. Come With Conversation Starters.
  3. Vow to Speak to Multiple New People.
  4. Don't Drink Too Much.
  5. Wait for the Anxiety To Pass.
Jul 15, 2022

How long is too long for houseguests? ›

Anything over a week will be too exhausting and stressful for everyone — host and guest. It is best to minimize the disruption of everyone's lives." Although three days and two nights is the ideal visit, Hokemeyer admits that when guests are coming from a great distance, the stay may have to be extended.

How do you stay calm and not get irritated? ›

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  1. Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. ...
  2. Once you're calm, express your concerns. ...
  3. Get some exercise. ...
  4. Take a timeout. ...
  5. Identify possible solutions. ...
  6. Stick with 'I' statements. ...
  7. Don't hold a grudge. ...
  8. Use humor to release tension.

How do you stay calm under pressure in communication? ›

Communicating Under Pressure
  1. Speak Carefully. Be Specific. Listeners are not mind readers. Specifically define the problem or name the feeling. ...
  2. Listen Attentively. Listen with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. ...
  3. Respond Accurately. Get all the facts. Listen carefully until you understand what is being said.

How do you stay calm and not react? ›

Tips to calm down
  1. Breathe. ...
  2. Admit that you're anxious or angry. ...
  3. Challenge your thoughts. ...
  4. Release the anxiety or anger. ...
  5. Visualize yourself calm. ...
  6. Think it through. ...
  7. Change your focus. ...
  8. Have a centering object.

How do you not get nervous in front of a crowd? ›

These steps may help:
  1. Know your topic. ...
  2. Get organized. ...
  3. Practice, and then practice some more. ...
  4. Challenge specific worries. ...
  5. Visualize your success. ...
  6. Do some deep breathing. ...
  7. Focus on your material, not on your audience. ...
  8. Don't fear a moment of silence.

Why do I get agitated in crowds? ›

Our brains are processing information from the noise of crowds or from the conversations we are engaging in. We may begin to feel anxiety as our threshold for stimulation is maxed out due to feeling on high-alert constantly. Trauma can cause us to feel edgy and overstimulated in social or public situations.

What anxiety disorder is in large crowds? ›

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder that causes an intense fear of becoming overwhelmed or unable to escape or get help. Because of fear and anxiety, people with agoraphobia often avoid new places and unfamiliar situations, like: Large, open areas or enclosed spaces. Crowds.

How do I become a relaxed host? ›

5: Clean with Care.
  1. Keep it Casual. A simple tip to combat hosting anxiety is to keep things casual and low-maintenance. ...
  2. Make it Comfortable. Creating a relaxed and inviting environment for your guests will help your hosting anxiety disappear. ...
  3. Collaborate. ...
  4. Keep the Conversation Flowing. ...
  5. Clean with Care.
Mar 15, 2023

How do you act at a party where you know nobody? ›

How to survive a party alone
  1. Lend a helping hand. ‍Presumably, even if you don't know anyone else, you should at least know the host. ...
  2. Ask for an introduction. ...
  3. Look around for the dog/cat of the house. ...
  4. Offer up a compliment. ...
  5. Just walk up and introduce yourself.

Why do I feel so awkward in social gatherings? ›

In many cases, social awkwardness comes from extreme anxiety. Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 12.1% of U.S. adults experience a social anxiety disorder at some time in their lives.

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