How to Calm Down: 22 Things to Do When You’re Anxious or Angry (2024)

Tips to calm down

Here are some helpful, actionable tips you can try the next time you need to calm down.

1. Breathe

“Breathing is the number one and most effective technique for reducing anger and anxiety quickly,” says Scott Dehorty, LCSW-C, of Delphi Behavioral Health.

When you’re anxious or angry, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths. Dehorty says this sends a message to your brain, causing a positive feedback loop reinforcing your fight-or-flight response. That’s why taking long, deep calming breaths disrupts that loop and helps you calm down.

There are various breathing techniques to help you calm down. One is three-part breathing. Three-part breathing requires you to take one deep breath in and then exhale fully while paying attention to your body.

Once you get comfortable with deep breathing, you can change the ratio of inhalation and exhalation to 1:2 (you slow down your exhalation so that it’s twice as long as your inhalation).

Practice these techniques while calm so you know how to do them when you’re anxious.

2. Admit that you’re anxious or angry

Allow yourself to say that you’re anxious or angry. When you label how you’re feeling and allow yourself to express it, the anxiety and anger you’re experiencing may decrease.

3. Challenge your thoughts

Part of being anxious or angry is having irrational thoughts that don’t necessarily make sense. These thoughts are often the “worse-case scenario.” You might find yourself caught in the “what if” cycle, which can cause you to sabotage a lot of things in your life.

When you experience one of these thoughts, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

Is this likely to happen?
Is this a rational thought?
Has this ever happened to me before?
What’s the worst that can happen? Can I handle
that?

After you go through the questions, it’s time to reframe your thinking. Instead of “I can’t walk across that bridge. What if there’s an earthquake, and it falls into the water?” tell yourself: “There are people that walk across that bridge every day, and it has never fallen into the water.”

4. Release the anxiety or anger

Dehorty recommends getting the emotional energy out with exercise. “Go for a walk or run. [Engaging] in some physical activity [releases] serotonin to help you calm down and feel better.”

However, you should avoid physical activity that includes the expression of anger, such as punching walls or screaming.

“This has been shown to increase feelings of anger, as it reinforces the emotions because you end up feeling good as the result of being angry,” Dehorty explains.

5. Visualize yourself calm

This tip requires you to practice the breathing techniques you’ve learned. After taking a few deep breaths, close your eyes and picture yourself calm. See your body relaxed, and imagine yourself working through a stressful or anxiety-causing situation by staying calm and focused.

By creating a mental picture of what it looks like to stay calm, you can refer back to that image when you’re anxious.

6. Think it through

Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Just make sure it’s one that you find helpful. Dehorty says it can be, “Will this matter to me this time next week?” or “How important is this?” or “Am I going to allow this person/situation to steal my peace?”

7. Change your focus

Leave the situation, look in another direction, walk out of the room, or go outside.

Dehorty recommends this exercise so you have time for better decision making. “We don’t do our best thinking when anxious or angry; we engage in survival thinking. This is fine if our life is really in danger, but if it isn’t life threatening, we want our best thinking, not survival instincts,” he adds.

8. Have a centering object

When you’re anxious or angry, so much of your energy is being spent on irrational thoughts. When you’re calm, find a “centering object” such as a small stuffed animal, a polished rock you keep in your pocket, or a locket you wear around your neck.

Tell yourself that you’re going to touch this object when you’re experiencing anxiety or frustration. This centers you and helps calm your thoughts. For example, if you’re at work and your boss is making you anxious, gently rub the locket around your neck.

9. Relax your body

When you’re anxious or angry, it can feel like every muscle in your body is tense (and they probably are). Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm down and center yourself.

To do this, lie down on the floor with your arms out by your side. Make sure your feet aren’t crossed and your hands aren’t in fists. Start at your toes and tell yourself to release them. Slowly move up your body, telling yourself to release each part of your body until you get to your head.

10. Drop your shoulders

If your body is tense, there’s a good chance your posture will suffer. Sit up tall, take a deep breath, and drop your shoulders. To do this, you can focus on bringing your shoulder blades together and then down. This pulls your shoulders down. Take a few deep breaths.

You can do this several times a day.

11. Identify pressure points to calm anger and anxiety

Going for a massage or getting acupuncture is a wonderful way to manage anxiety and anger. But it’s not always easy to find time in your day to make it happen. The good news is, you can do acupressure on yourself for instant anxiety relief.

This method involves putting pressure with your fingers or your hand at certain points of the body. The pressure releases the tension and relaxes your body.

One area to start with is the point where the inside of your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Press your thumb on this area for two minutes. This can help relieve tension.

How to calm down in 5 minutes

If you’re short on time but need to calm down fast, these quick in-the-moment tips can help.

12. Get some fresh air

The temperature and air circulation in a room can increase your anxiety or anger. If you’re feeling tense and the space you’re in is hot and stuffy, this could trigger a panic attack.

13. Fuel your body

Being hangry never helps. If you’re hungry or not properly hydrated, many relaxation techniques won’t work. That’s why it’s important to slow down and get something to eat — even if it’s just a small snack.

Try nibbling on some dark chocolate. Research shows it can help boost brain health and reduce stress.

Wash it down with a cup of green tea and honey. Studies show green tea can help reduce the body’s stress response. Research has found that honey can help relieve anxiety.

14. Chew gum

Chewing on a piece of gum can help reduce anxiety (and even boost mood and productivity). In fact, research shows people who chew gum regularly are typically less stressed than non-gum chewers.

15. Listen to music

The next time you feel your anxiety level cranking up, grab some headphones and tune in to your favorite music. Listening to music can have a very calming effect on your body and mind.

16. Dance it out

Get moving to your favorite tunes. Dancing has traditionally been used as a healing art. Research shows it’s a great way to combat depression and anxiety and increase quality of life.

17. Watch funny videos

Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. Research has found that laughing provides therapeutic benefits and can help relieve stress and improve mood and quality of life. Do a quick internet search to find funny videos for an instant mood boost.

18. Write it down

If you’re too angry or anxious to talk about it, grab a journal and write out your thoughts. Don’t worry about complete sentences or punctuation — just write. Writing helps you get negative thoughts out of your head.

19. Squeeze a stress ball

When you’re feeling stress come on, try interacting with a stress-relief toy. Options include:

stress ball
magnetic balls
sculpting clay
puzzles
Rubik’s cube
fidget spinner

20. Try aromatherapy

Aromatherapy, or the use of essential oils, may help alleviate stress and anxiety and boost mood. Those commonly used in aromatherapy include:

bergamot
cedarwood
chamomile
geranium
ginger
lavender
lemon
tea tree

Add a few drops of essential oil to a diffuser, or mix it with a carrier oil (like coconut oil) and apply to your skin for quick relief.

21. Seek social support

Venting to a trusted friend, family member, or coworker can do wonders. Even if you don’t have time for a full play-by-play phone call, a quick text exchange can help you let it all out and help you feel heard.

Bonus points if you engage with a funny friend who can help you laugh for added stress relief.

22. Spend time with a pet

Interacting with your favorite furry friend can decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower blood pressure. Quality time with a pet can also help you feel less alone and boost your overall mood.

As an expert in psychology and stress management, I can provide valuable insights into the concepts and techniques mentioned in the article on calming down. Let's delve into each of these concepts and offer a comprehensive understanding:

Breathing Techniques: Deep breathing is a fundamental method for managing anxiety and anger. When experiencing stress, shallow breathing can exacerbate the fight-or-flight response. Practicing techniques like three-part breathing and adjusting the inhalation-exhalation ratio can help regulate your body's stress response.
Acknowledging Emotions: Acknowledging your feelings, whether anxiety or anger, is a crucial step in emotional regulation. By recognizing and labeling your emotions, you initiate a process of self-awareness that can lead to better control.
Challenging Negative Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring is the process of challenging irrational thoughts associated with anxiety or anger. By asking questions like, "Is this likely to happen?" or "Is this a rational thought?" you can reframe your thinking and reduce emotional distress.
Physical Activity: Engaging in exercise, such as walking or running, is an effective way to release emotional energy and trigger the release of serotonin, which promotes relaxation.
Visualization: Visualizing yourself in a calm state can be a powerful tool. It allows you to create a mental image of how you want to feel and behave in stressful situations, helping you regain control.
Mantras: Having a mantra or positive affirmations can redirect your focus and encourage rational thinking during emotional moments. It's a way to shift your perspective and calm your mind.
Changing Your Environment: Leaving a stressful situation or changing your physical surroundings can provide you with the space needed for better decision-making and reduced anxiety.
Centering Objects: Using a tangible object as a grounding tool, such as a small stuffed animal or a locket, can help you refocus your thoughts and calm your mind during moments of distress.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique involves systematically tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in your body. It helps reduce physical tension associated with anxiety or anger.
Body Posture: Improving your posture by dropping your shoulders and taking deep breaths can have a positive impact on your overall mood and reduce physical tension.
Acupressure: Applying pressure to specific points on your body, like the inside of your wrist, can help relieve tension and promote relaxation, akin to the benefits of acupuncture.
Fresh Air: Changing your environment, especially if it's hot or stuffy, can help reduce anxiety. Fresh air and a change of scenery can interrupt negative thought processes.
Nutrition: Proper nutrition is essential. Being hungry or dehydrated can exacerbate stress, so having a snack like dark chocolate or sipping green tea with honey can be beneficial.
Chewing Gum: Chewing gum has been shown to reduce anxiety and improve mood, likely due to its calming effect on the nervous system.
Music Therapy: Listening to music can have a calming effect on the body and mind, making it an effective tool for managing stress and anxiety.
Dance: Physical movement and dancing can help release endorphins, combat depression and anxiety, and improve overall well-being.
Laughter: Engaging in activities that make you laugh, like watching funny videos, can trigger the release of endorphins and reduce stress.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can help you process and release negative emotions.
Stress Relief Toys: Interacting with stress-relief toys, such as stress balls or fidget spinners, can help redirect nervous energy and reduce tension.
Aromatherapy: The use of essential oils like lavender or chamomile can promote relaxation and mood improvement when diffused or applied topically.
Social Support: Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can provide emotional relief and a sense of connection.
Pet Therapy: Spending time with a pet can lower stress hormone levels, reduce blood pressure, and enhance mood, offering comfort and companionship.

These techniques encompass a broad spectrum of strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and anger, allowing individuals to choose the ones that resonate with them and best suit their specific needs.