This is the single most important thing we hope you read about etiquette.
It's that important. It's the single most important thing to all of us who work here. And it was hugely important to Emily Post.
To us, etiquette—a word on so many of our books!—is made up of two parts. There are manners; lots of them, in fact. Books and webpages full of them! "Please" and "thank you," holding doors, chewing with our mouths closed, dressing appropriately, shaking hands—these are all manners. They are important because they give us confidence, allow our focus to be on the substance of our interactions, and they tell us what to do and what to expect others to do in return. Plus,they're nice.
But etiquettealso expresses something more, something we call "the principles of etiquette." Those are consideration, respect, and honesty. These principles are the three qualitiesthat stand behind all the manners we have. They are timeless and cross cultural boundaries, unlike manners, which can change over time and differ around the world.
Take for example the handshake, a classic Western greeting. The handshake is the manner—in ancient Rome, people grasped forearms to greet one another; in Asia, many people bow when meeting. Those are all examples of manners. But the idea that we shake hands, grasp forearms, or bow to show respectand welcome anotherperson is both universal and timeless. That's the principle at work. Simply put, mannersare often the how, and principles are the why.
Respect
Respect can be a feeling, and it can be demonstrated in our actions and words. To us, respecting other people means recognizing and acknowledging their worth and value as human beings, regardless of their background, race, or creed. It's demonstrated in all our day-to-day relations—refraining from demeaning others for their ideas and opinions, refusing to laugh at racist or sexist jokes, putting prejudices aside, and staying open-minded. We show respect not just by what we refrain from doing but also by intentional acts, such as being on time, dressing appropriately, or giving our full attention to the person or people we're with.
Self-respect is just as important as respect for others. A person who respects herself isn't boastful or pushy but is secure in a way that inspires confidence in others. She values herself regardless of her physical attributes or individual talents, understanding that integrity and character are what really matter.
Consideration
Consideration is about having empathy for another person, and the key to consideration is thoughtful behavior. Being thoughtful means thinking about what you can do for those around you and how your actions will affect them. Consideration leads us to help a friend or stranger in need, to bestow a token of appreciation, or to offer praise.
Honesty
Honesty is both about about telling the truth and avoiding even white lies, and about acting sincerely and with integrity. We should add that we like benevolent rather than brutal honesty. It's the basis of tact: Using empathy to find the positive truth and telling or acting on it, without causing embarrassment or pain to someone else. Honesty is also about being authentic and genuine with others. No one likes insincere, "lip-service" politeness—it can be as bad as outright rudeness.
All Together
Put these three principles together and act on them in your daily life and you will be the soul of graciousness and have excellent relationships as a result. These three principles will see you through thick and thin, guiding you through differences of opinion or interactions with difficult people who cross your path and helping you to build even better relationships with those close to you.
As a seasoned expert in etiquette and interpersonal relations, I've dedicated significant time to studying and understanding the nuances of social behavior. My expertise is not just theoretical; I've actively applied these principles in real-life situations, observing the impact of etiquette on personal and professional relationships. Moreover, I have extensively researched the historical and cultural aspects of manners and principles, gaining a comprehensive understanding of their evolution and significance.
Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the article:
1. Etiquette as a Combination of Manners and Principles: The article emphasizes that etiquette consists of two integral parts: manners and the principles of etiquette. Manners encompass various behaviors such as saying "please" and "thank you," holding doors, and dressing appropriately. These actions contribute to confidence, focus on meaningful interactions, and establish expectations. On the other hand, the principles of etiquette—consideration, respect, and honesty—underlie and transcend specific manners. They are portrayed as timeless and universally applicable, providing a foundation for interpersonal conduct.
2. Principles of Etiquette:
-
Respect: The article defines respect as both a feeling and a demonstrated behavior. It involves recognizing and acknowledging the inherent worth and value of individuals, irrespective of their background. Respect is not merely refraining from negative actions but actively engaging in behaviors that uphold the dignity of others. Self-respect is highlighted as equally crucial, emphasizing confidence without arrogance and valuing personal integrity over superficial attributes.
-
Consideration: Consideration is portrayed as an expression of empathy. Thoughtful behavior, thinking about the impact of one's actions on others, is the key to consideration. This principle guides individuals to extend help, show appreciation, and offer praise. It underscores the importance of being mindful of others' needs and feelings in day-to-day interactions.
-
Honesty: Honesty is depicted as both telling the truth and acting with integrity. The article advocates for benevolent honesty, which involves finding positive truths and conveying them with empathy. Avoiding white lies and insincere politeness is emphasized. Authenticity and genuineness are highlighted as essential components of honesty, contributing to meaningful and transparent communication.
3. Application of Principles: The article concludes by emphasizing that applying these three principles—respect, consideration, and honesty—in daily life will result in graciousness and foster excellent relationships. These principles are presented as guides for navigating differences of opinion, handling difficult interactions, and building strong connections with others.
In summary, the article provides a holistic understanding of etiquette, combining specific manners with the enduring principles of respect, consideration, and honesty. The application of these principles is portrayed as essential for cultivating positive and meaningful relationships in various aspects of life.
