"Marriage is an institution. If you want to spend the rest of your life in an institution, go right ahead." —Father to his son on his wedding day.
Source: Claudia Sonnemans/Pixaby
The stereotype in our culture is that marriage is an institution that benefits women but costs men, so women try to entrap men into marriage, and men try to stay single for as long as possible, holding onto the freedom they believe women want to take from them.
These cultural stereotypes persist despite evidence that marriage serves men much more than women in almost every way. Married men are better off than single men; they are healthier, wealthier, and happier. Single women, however, are better off than married women. Married men are happier than married women, and unmarried women are happier than unmarried men. Divorced men and married women have the highest rates of suicide.
Men’s obsession with not being controlled by women is the strongest evidence of their fear of being controlled. A woman writer for the men’s magazine Muscle and Fitness offered men 10 signs that they might be “whipped.” Some of these signs are things that should be a legitimate concern for anyone in a relationship, like indications that your partner may be having an affair. However, some of what the author suggests that men watch out for seems to advocate an almost paranoid hypervigilance about any sign of “losing control” in a relationship. For example, she cautions men against allowing women to straighten their hair, make suggestions about clothing, or ask them to hold their purses while shopping.
The only way marriage serves women is financial. Men's and women’s financial status tends to improve when they marry, but men’s financial status tends to remain relatively unchanged following divorce, whereas women experience sizable drops in their household income, per capita income, and income-to-need ratios post-divorce. As a result, many women, especially mothers, fall into poverty following divorce.
Despite the evidence, marriage initially seems like a good idea to most women. Two-thirds of college-educated women in their twenties say they plan to marry, and women initiate two-thirds of the committed heterosexual relationships. Men, on the other hand, often seem to be oblivious to the advantages bestowed on them by marriage and unaware of their own dependency needs that are most likely to drive them toward marriage. Two-thirds of college-educated men in their twenties say they do not plan to marry, even though over 80 percent of them eventually will.
Changing economic conditions are making things even worse. Men traditionally could afford to delay marriage, knowing that they would likely have their pick of partners because men have traditionally married women who were less economically advantaged. As wealth is increasingly concentrated in an increasingly smaller group of people and women’s earning power grows, there are fewer men who have the financial resources to make themselves attractive as marriage partners. Two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women.
Taken together, it looks like marriage is a system more designed to keep women entrapped in a marriage than men.
Excerpted from Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men's Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships. (Weiss, 2021)
References
Autor, D., Dorn, D., & Hanson, G. (2018). When work disappears: Manufacturing decline and the falling marriage-market value of young men. American Economic Review: Insights.
Campbell, A. (1981). The Sense of Well-Being in America: Recent Patterns and Trends. New York: McGraw Hill.
Cashion, B. E. (1970). Durkheim’s Concept of Anomie and It’s Relationship to Divorce. Sociology and Social Research, 55, 72-81.
Coombs, R. H. (1991). Marital status and personal well-being: A literature review. Family relations, 40(1), 97-102.
Goodwin, P. (2009). Who Marries and When?: Age at First Marriage in the United States, 2002 ((19)). US Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Gove, W. R., & Tudor, J. F. (1973). Adult sex roles and mental illness. American Journal of Sociology, 78(4), 812-835.
Gurin, G., Veroff, J., & Feld, S. (1960). Americans view their mental health: A nationwide interview survey.
Radloff, L. (1975). Sex differences in depression: The Effects of Occupation on Marital Status. Sex roles, 1(3), 249-265.
Hogendoorn, B., Leopold, T., & Bol, T. (2020). Divorce and diverging poverty rates: A risk‐and‐vulnerability approach. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(3), 1089-1109.
Shpancer, N. (2015). Is Marriage Worth the Trouble for Women? The Benefits Go Mostly to Men. Retrieved March 12, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201510/is-marri….
Smith, B. (2019). 10 Signs You’re Whipped. Retrieved April 26, 2019, from https://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/10-signs-youre-whipped.
FAQs
The research seems clear that even if marriage benefits both men and women, there is more of an upside for men. Men derive greater health benefits from marriage than women. Married fathers receive an earnings boost while mothers receive a penalty. Women are disproportionately likely to end marriages.
Why men resist marriage even though they benefit the most from it? ›
This fear might make them overlook the benefits of getting married. Single men who avoid marriage may have grown up in a broken home, or they have “been there, done that” and don't want to ever find themselves in such a vulnerable position again.
Is there any benefit to getting married as a man? ›
According to numerous research articles, married men are overall happier, healthier and wealthier than their single counterparts. Now of course, this does not men every married man is superior in wealth, happiness and mental health than every single man but, overall, it does.
What are the benefits of marriage for a woman? ›
Marriage is good for your mental health. Married men and women are less depressed, less anxious, and less psychologically distressed than single, divorced, or widowed Americans.
Who needs marriage more men or women? ›
Being married is very important to 58% of men vs. 53% of women. Only 38% of men strongly agree that a woman can have a fulfilling life without marriage, compared with 54% of women.
Do men or women benefit more from divorce? ›
Economic quality of life
Ultimately, the overall economic quality of a man's life, based on earnings and amount spent on living expenses, increases after his divorce. He continues to earn more but bears fewer family expenses. The overall economic quality of a woman's life, post-divorce, decreases.
Is it better for a man not to marry? ›
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
Who initiates most divorces? ›
Statistically, women initiate divorce more often than men in heterosexual marriages. While divorce is associated with significant challenges, especially for women, women are still the driving force behind most marriage dissolutions.
Do men have more power in marriage? ›
They generally found that men had more power in intimate relationships, which was often attributed to their greater economic contributions (Blood & Wolfe, 1960; Gray-Little & Burks, 1983; Szinovacz, 1987).
What is the number one killer of marriages? ›
The real, number one killer of any marriage or relationship is often a lack of communication or communication breakdown between husband and wife or partners.
The health benefits obtained by men who stay married or remarry stem from a variety of related factors, including care in times of illness, improved nutrition, and a home atmosphere that reduces stress and stress-related illnesses, encourages healthy behaviors, and discourages unhealthy ones such as smoking and ...
What are disadvantages of marriage? ›
The disadvantages of marriage include high divorce rates, marriage dissatisfaction, and financial strain that may occur from overspending or the high costs of raising children.
What is the biggest benefit of marriage? ›
The Legal Benefits of Marriage
- Employment benefits—health insurance, family leave, bereavement leave.
- Family benefits: Adoption rights and joint foster care rights. ...
- Government benefits: ...
- Tax and estate planning benefits: ...
- Medical and death benefits: ...
- Consumer benefits—discounts to families or couples.
I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
What does the Bible say about marriage? ›
The Bible teaches, “Husbands, love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25) and “teach the young women … to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4). Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers, and it is the virtue that couples need the most.
Why do married men get paid more? ›
' Others draw on theories of statistical discrimination and market signaling (Spence, 1974), suggesting that employers perceive married men to be more stable, responsible, and hence more productive than similar unmarried men (Block and Kuskin, 1978).
Does marriage tend to benefit the health of men more than women? ›
Focusing on the gender differences in the effects of marriage on individual health, some studies in particular have shown that marriage might benefit men's health more significantly than women's [3,4]. However, other studies have found that marriage provided equal health benefits to men and women [1,2].
Who ends marriages more men or women? ›
In the United States, women typically initiate divorce more often than men on average, with more than two-thirds of all divorces filed by women.
