BC News reported that the top five New Year Resolutions for 2016 are:
- Enjoy life to the fullest
- Live a healthier lifestyle
- Lose weight
- Make more time for family and friends
- Save more, spend less
Let's take a closer look at number one, enjoy life to the fullest.That could mean various sundry of things to different people, i.e., freedom from the desire to please people, freedom from addictions, no car payments, or perhaps times to relax. In other words, there is a yearning in most of us to live a life with minimal stress.
Stress robs us of most everything we want when we do not know how to manage it. We become a slave to it and live lives full of anxiety, more work, less sleep, mediocre relationships . . . the never ending list . . . you fill in your own personal blank. It has a propensity to manage us unless we concertedly manage it.
How does one get a grip on stress? We've probably all heard about taking three deep breaths, allow yourself to have fun, live a life of balance, get more exercise, sleep seven to eight hours a night, etc. All of those things are great and lead to less stress for the most part--perhaps more of a Band-Aid for some.
However, one thing I believe that individuals who live fairly stress-free lives have in common is that they take time to develop and maintain healthy relationships--not only with family and friends, but with all of the meaningful people in their lives.
Although this is not an exhaustive list, some important ingredients in healthy relationships are: (1) honesty in word and deed; (2) availability; (3)consistency; (4) spending time with others; (5) reciprocity--they not only invest in others but also willingly receive from others; (6) reliability; and (7) they develop and maintain good communication skills with others.
Communication may at times be more about listening and having a willingness to understand another's point of view (whether we agree with it or not) than anything else. We all want to be understood! We feel valued by those that slow down, focus, and really listen to our thoughts and feelings. It has the propensity to deflate the stress out of things.
The components of healthy relationships, such as communication, are learned or established behaviors. For example, one effective communication tool is to learn how to really listen to what's being said, not just the words.
One quick listening tip to think about and consider implementing is to stop and verify what you think the other person just said vs. jumping to assumptions or figuring you know the person so well, you just know what they meant. I encourage you to try this experiment the next time someone says something to you that makes you feel bad, angry, or some other uncomfortable feeling. Ask, "Did you mean to say . . . .then express what you think they just said--what they communicated to you. Example:
Speaker 1: "I'm having some concerns about the concert on Friday night."
Speaker 2: "So, are you saying you don't want to go now that I've already purchased the tickets?"
Speaker 1: "No, I'm really looking forward to going. I meant I'm concerned about the parking and wanted to talk about what time we should leave to make sure we find a parking spot or should we take the subway. What do you think?"
How different do you think you might feel when you have the real meaning of what was being said? More times than not, when a person jumps to conclusions or makes assumptions, which we all do, they are inaccurate. Speaker number two must have been happy and felt relieved when they realized the other person really was also looking forward to the concert. Consider checking out your assumptions and conclusions. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised.
What do you think would happen if you picked just one of the above-mentioned components of healthy relationships to work on this coming month? Do you feel life might be better for you? Less stressful?
Many people seek help with the issues of handling life and relationships. Learning to develop and maintain healthy relationships rarely happens in isolation. We need others in our life to feel free, loved, and valued. Typically, a person who has healthy relationships manages stress and the demands of life with greater ease.
