When you first thought about coming to York, you saw a picture of Heslington Hall which made you think that all of it looks likes something like this. (2024)

1. Never disturb one of these. You will die HORRIBLY. 2. You feel pain when it is called "York University". 3. You feel lonely in September because everyone else starts University weeks before you actually do. 4. When you first thought about coming to York, you saw a picture of Heslington Hall which made you think that all of it looks likes something like this. 5. Then you get here and you slowly realise that you are living in a 1960s Milton Keynes concrete festival. 6. You then start admiring this huge WTF 1960s concrete / nuclear mushroom cloud spaceship. 7. Then there's the lake, which you hate when frozen because you want to walk across the ice but can't. 8. You learn that very few York students are from the North. 9. You also start asking yourself this every day. They could have built it two and a half miles closer. 10. It could be worse. You could live in Halifax. 11. But no need to worry, you could always rely on this Courtyard sign to that tell you what is on. 12. Or you can walk to The Retreat to try to work out what this sign means (it has been here forever). 13. You get used to hearing this about York Vision. 14. You get used to hearing this about Nouse. 15. When Roses takes place in York you think... 16. When you go to the library (which looks like a cheesegrater) you see other people talking to each other instead of studying, you have the confidence to shout... 17. You realise that there's no point having a single vodka and mixer when you can have a TREBLE. 18. There's no point going to a dry nightclub when you can go to one where water starts dripping DOWN THE WALLS. 19. You learn Chancellor Greg Dyke is everything. 20. Along with all of these geese. 21. But Greg Dyke and geese are not as important as this. Willow is your life. Your dreams. Your destiny.