How To Tell If You're Being Catfished (2024)

Is The Girl You Met Online Lying To You? Here's How To Know For Sure

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We research companies at which we’re considering applying for jobs, destinations we may want to travel to, even restaurants we’re considering for dinner. But when it comes to our dates, why are we hesitant to do our homework?

The fact is, there are a lot of shady people out there, and those people just may include the person we just met via online dating.

“The best way totellifsomething feels fishy is to trust your gut,” says Sarah Jones, founder ofIntroverted Alpha, which helpssmart introverted men attract women naturally. "Does something feel off? Ifso, pay attention to that and don't risk it,” says Jones.

Does she seem shifty when talking about her ex, asifshe's still attached? Does it feel like something isn't quite right? “Does she seem too eager to please, to the point that she might be saying things she thinksyouwant to hear? It is a valuable skill to notice whether people are being truthful, and it's a skillyoucan refine just by paying more attention and being more curious in your sense of people,” Jones says. Youcan practice this with everyone, not just dates, to build your perception skills faster.

Be Realistic

Iftheir story seems to good to be true, it may just be. “The digital world offers a sense of escapism for everyone, but some people tend to take things to far. They create fake identities to live out their fantasies regarding their history, travels, professional successes and personal conquests.Ifdetails from their stories don’t add up, simply ask themifyou’ve misunderstood,” says Dr. Jess, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “Youcan oftentellifsomeone islyingby their tone and body language, so hop on a call or Skype session to get a better sense of whether or not they’re being truthful,” says Dr. Jess.

Double Check Their Photo

“It's always a red flag for me if every picture is far away in the distance or only from the shoulders-up,” says Billy Procida,a comedian and host ofThe Manwhor* Podcast. "To me, this displays a lack of confidence or lack of a mirror. If anyone is worried their potential suitor isn't into them because of their body, know that the rejection will be more painful when it's done in person vs. done with a swipe,” says Procida. If you want to see what the full picture is, playfully suggest, "so when I show up will you just be a floating head with shoulders?" or some other non-pushy request. “Remember, you are not entitled to pictures of her but she's also not entitled to a date with you,” says Procida.

Be Weary Of Stories That Don’t Add Up

“How many different jobs did she claim to have? Is she busy because she's got a birthday party or a friend's mom's funeral? Some people's lives actually are all over the place, but if the story she's spinning is unbelievable, it's probably just untrue,” says Procida. Avoid!

Meet IRL, ASAP

Move things to the date as quickly as possible to get a sense of thispersonin the flesh, says Jones. “This way,you're not texting back and forth, investing tons of time in apersonyoudon't even know is who she says she is. Anything from using a fake identity to being 30 pounds heavier than she indicates is less-than-honest,” says Jones.

When you do meet, meet in the daytime in a public place with a good amount of traffic, like a coffee shop or a park. “This is much less risky than meeting for the first time ever at your house or hers at night. Let's not! At the very least,ifyou're going to meet for the first time at night, meet at a bar with lots of people around. Not only will youfeel safer, it will make her feel safer, which makes it easier for her to open up toyouand relax,” says Jones.

Be Honest

Likeminded attract likeminded, and a good road to honest communication is being honest yourself. “Make sureyou're acting with integrity by being fully honest in your own dating profile and in all your communications,” says Jones. This doesn't mean telling every little detail, as that would be cumbersome and unnecessary. “Don't fudge information, and don't leave out anything super-relevant. Whoeveryou're going to get along with is going to likeyouforyou, so there's no need to hide things like having a kid, for example,” says Jones.

Notice Your Own Patterns

“Sometimes it's easy to think people always lie about their weight, age or relationship status, when in reality that's not true. Many people are honest,” says Jones. “Ifyou've been seeing a particular pattern in your own dating life, for example, if two or three out of five of your first dates lie about being single, then it's worth reflecting on whyyouseem to be attracting these people,” says Jones.

“Ask yourself, ‘what is it about the way I'm presenting myself that is indicating that it's OK for women to lie about this to me?’” No judgment, just an honest self-evaluating question.“Youcan ask friends, too; especially friends who don't seem to have that problem in their own lives, as they might see the issue more clearly. Ask themifthere's something that they notice inyouabout howyoucould attract available women more easily. This takes courage, but it can be illuminating,” says Jones.

RELATED: 4 Lies Men Tell On Their Online Profiles

And Their Patterns As Well

For example, ifthey disappear for prolonged periods of time without a reasonableexplanation (orifthe explanations seem farfetched) they may be lying or hiding something.“Youcan only claim to have so many emergencies before someone catches on.Ifyour new e-crush has a pattern of being highlyresponsive one day/week and then MIA a few days/weeks later, call themout,” says Dr. Jess. Ask themifthere is something they’re not tellingyou.