Become an Emotional Investor, Not an Emotional Spender (2024)

  • When a person funnels their emotional energy into anything over a sustained period of time, they are making an "emotional investment."
  • Becoming a wise emotional investor involves three steps: finding one's purpose, dedicating time and emotional resources to it, and constantly experimenting and evaluating.
  • Spending time with the right people can help someone make better emotional investments.

What is an emotional investment?

Emotional investment is when we focus our emotions—in the form of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—into anything that we hope over time will help us grow and sustain our emotional well-being. “Emotional investing” can be distinguished from “emotional spending” in that emotional spending is when we are not necessarily as careful about or concerned with how our emotional experience helps us improve our well-being over time.

To use a financial metaphor, emotional investing would be like putting $100 away in a 401K in the hopes that it will yield a greater return down the road for our retirement. On the other hand, emotional spending would be like spending that $100 on dinner. The money spent on dinner may have resulted in an enjoyable evening, but the financial outcome depleted your funds rather than yielding any kind of growth.

I have been thinking about this concept quite a bit since speaking with Neil Fallon—frontman and founding member of the band Clutch—on The Hardcore Humanism Podcast. Fallon discussed how he feels that Clutch fans are “emotional shareholders” in the band. I took this to mean that the fans have invested their emotions in Clutch by coming to the shows, listening to the music, and following the band’s progress. And this consistent effort improved their emotional well-being over time as they had a deeper connection with the band, its music, and with the people with whom they shared these experiences. In contrast, if you were to go to a concert to see a band whose music and development you’re not really “into,” but you still have a good time, the enjoyment is more fleeting rather than something that is consistent and growing over time.

To be sure, there can be considerable overlap between emotional investing and spending. And they may often start out the same. In fact, most emotional investing begins with emotional spending. We do not go to see a band for the first time with the intention of becoming lifelong fans. Rather we need to engage in emotional spending in order to find the things we want to invest in emotionally over time.

But like anything we want in life, we maximize our outcomes by focusing on the goal that we hope to achieve. And if sustained emotional well-being is our goal, then we improve our chances of achieving that goal by thinking of ourselves as emotional investors and focusing our efforts on people, interests, projects, and activities that sustain and nurture us emotionally and over the long haul.

So how do we become “emotional investors”?

The first step is to recognize that much of our emotional well-being is based on understanding and building a sense of purpose. Research suggests that individuals with a strong sense of purpose lead healthier and happier lives. Having a sense of purpose provides a road map towards emotional well-being. It explains the things that matter most to us and, therefore, where we would, in theory, want to invest emotionally.

Plus, by focusing on our sense of purpose, we take control over our lifelong emotional well-being. This is because regardless of our life circ*mstances, with the exception of catastrophic occurrences, our purpose cannot be taken from us. We can keep investing in our purpose over the course of our lives even as our circ*mstances change.

For example, like Fallon, many of us find our purpose in music. When music is meaningful and matters to us, it shifts from being a passing fascination into a durable and sustainable part of our identity. And by knowing our purpose and determining for ourselves our commitment to work towards it, we are able to take control of our emotional well-being.

The second step is to understand how to put our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors into action in order to achieve our purpose. So, keeping with the music example, we can connect with music in different ways. We can become a musician ourselves. We can become devoted fans of a band. We could start a podcast or online fanzine devoted to our favorite bands or genres. Whatever path we choose to operationalize that purpose into specific actions, we can now focus our efforts on specific steps that emotionally invest us in our sense of purpose.

The third step in becoming an emotional investor is recognizing that emotional investing is a process that requires ongoing experimentation and evaluation. We may start out early in life believing that music is an important part of our purpose, and we invest our efforts accordingly. But as time goes on, perhaps we recognize that music was just an expression of our broader purpose of artistic expression. We may decide that as time goes on, we want to invest in that purpose through fiction writing rather than music. Or maybe we maintain our purpose in music, but while we started out as musicians, we later find more gratification in the music “business” and want to start our own record label.

Further, as we emotionally invest in our purpose, we want to continuously check-in to make sure that investing in our purpose is helping us develop our emotional well-being. One particular issue is that we generally don’t have a single purpose in life—but rather different facets of our purpose. Thus, we need to make sure that these different facets don’t inadvertently conflict.

For example, we may assume that investing in music is key to our emotional well-being, but perhaps as time goes on, we notice that our commitment to music leaves us less time to develop other aspects of our purpose, such as being physically healthy. This does not necessarily mean we have to give up on music as an aspect of our purpose, but rather that we need to check-in to see how all of the different aspects of our purpose are working together and contributing to both our short-term and long-term well-being. Thus, if we enjoy going to concerts every night but find that having a few drinks at the concerts is undermining our health, we may have to adjust how we enjoy our music in order to fulfill our broader sense of purpose and well-being. But we need that ongoing experimentation and evaluation to make sure that we are emotionally investing wisely and holistically.

Finally, in order to be strong emotional investors, we want to build a community around us that supports our sense of purpose and our emotional well-being. Whatever it is that we find purposeful in life, it is much more likely to translate into emotional well-being over time if we have supportive people around us who understand who we are, our purpose, and why we emotionally invest in that purpose. So, for example, if we find purpose in music, we are more likely to invest emotionally in music if we have people who appreciate and encourage our passion rather than demean and dismiss it.

One could even say that we need to emotionally invest in the right people. Thus, as we’re building relationships, we can ask ourselves the simple question: “Does this person understand and support my purpose in life?” To be sure, not every person will understand or support every facet of our life’s purpose. But by examining relationships through that lens, we have a better chance of getting the most return on our emotional investments over time.

So, how do you want to emotionally invest in your life?

Become an Emotional Investor, Not an Emotional Spender (2024)

FAQs

How do you become an emotional investor? ›

When a person funnels their emotional energy into anything over a sustained period of time, they are making an "emotional investment." Becoming a wise emotional investor involves three steps: finding one's purpose, dedicating time and emotional resources to it, and constantly experimenting and evaluating.

What is an emotional investor? ›

What is Emotional Investing? Emotional investing refers to investments made based on an investor's behavioral instincts affected by market movements rather than fundamentals such as technical research. In their pursuit of the finest market trend predictions, expert investors rely on extensive technical research.

Is it good to be emotionally invested? ›

Being emotionally invested healthily means that you care, and it is important for any loving, healthy relationship. If it seems that you are more invested than your partner is, it can cause relationship problems and can be quite devastating, and you may wonder if your relationship is worth saving.

What does it mean to be emotionally invested in someone? ›

Emotional investment is when we focus our emotions—in the form of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—into anything that we hope over time will help us grow and sustain our emotional well-being.

What is the emotional cycle of an investor? ›

Market cycle of emotions

Stock market returns have historically followed a cycle of emotions starting with strong returns when there is optimism and peaking when there is Euphoria. When fear starts to set in, market returns turn negative and eventually bottom out when investors are fearful.

What are examples of emotional investing? ›

Examples of emotional investment include:
  • A couple who love one another and who are committed to their partnership.
  • A football supporter who is passionate about the local team.
  • A member of a religion who regularly prays and attends church.
  • A stamp collector who studies the history of stamps.

What are the 3 types of investors? ›

The three types of investors in a business are pre-investors, passive investors, and active investors. Pre-investors are those that are not professional investors. These include friends and family that are able to commit a small amount of capital towards your business.

What are the four behavioral investor types? ›

The four behavioral investor types are Passive Preserver, Friendly Follower, Independent Individualist, and Active Accumulator. A description of each behavioral investor type is provided with exam- ples of the cognitive and emotional biases associated with each BIT.

How can you tell if someone is emotionally invested? ›

12 telltale signs a man is emotionally attached to you
  1. He has great memory. ...
  2. He wants to be committed. ...
  3. He makes plans to be with you. ...
  4. He never wants to leave you. ...
  5. He shares about his family. ...
  6. He is open to trying your hobbies. ...
  7. You are his priority. ...
  8. He follows you on social media.
Mar 31, 2022

What makes a man emotionally invested? ›

Another factor that makes a man emotionally attached is when you become vulnerable with them. This subtly nudges the guy to become vulnerable, making him emotionally attached in the long run. Also, another answer to what makes men emotionally attached is when you show gratitude.

Is it OK to be emotionally needy? ›

It's healthy to need others, to rely on them, especially during a difficult or challenging time in your life. You might find sometimes you need more emotional support than usual. It's common.

How do you detach yourself? ›

Here are some things you can try.
  1. Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you're now deciding to detach from the relationship. ...
  2. Release your emotions. ...
  3. Don't react, respond. ...
  4. Start small. ...
  5. Keep a journal. ...
  6. Meditate. ...
  7. Be patient with yourself. ...
  8. Look forward.
Aug 20, 2021

Why do I get emotionally invested easily? ›

If you get attached easily, you may have an anxious attachment style. People with anxious attachment cling to others because they're afraid of being abandoned. You can get attached quickly if you have low self-esteem—you might jump into relationships because you crave validation from others.

When your partner is not emotionally invested? ›

If you feel your partner is underinvesting, it's best to talk it out — even if it may be uncomfortable. “It is important to be honest about the state of your relationship and how your needs are being met (or not met),” says Bennett. “It can be exhausting being the only one who cares to invest in the relationship.

How not to get emotionally invested in someone? ›

How to Stop Being Emotionally Attached to Someone
  1. Clarify your values. ...
  2. Revisit or discover hobbies. ...
  3. Lean on friends/family for support. ...
  4. Give yourself time. ...
  5. Keep a regular schedule. ...
  6. Speak with a licensed therapist. ...
  7. Slow things down and work on developing positive habits. ...
  8. Write a list of “whys”
Mar 22, 2023

What are the 7 levels of investors? ›

The Seven Levels of Investors According to Robert Kiyosaki
  • Level 0: Those with Nothing to Invest. These people have no money to invest. ...
  • Level 1: Borrowers. ...
  • Level 2: Savers. ...
  • Level 3: “Smart” Investors. ...
  • Level 3a: “I Can't Be Bothered” type. ...
  • Level 3b: “Cynic” type. ...
  • Level 3c: “Gamblers” type. ...
  • Level 4: Long-term Investors.
Apr 24, 2023

What are the 4 quadrants of investor? ›

What Are the Quadrants of Real Estate Investing?
  • Private equity.
  • Public equity.
  • Private debt.
  • Public debt.
Feb 2, 2022

What are 5 example of emotional intelligence? ›

Practical Examples Of Emotional Intelligence

They are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. According to Goleman, these five components of emotional intelligence play a crucial role in the making of a successful leader.

What are three strategies to help you take the emotion out of investing? ›

Having an investment plan and sticking to it is the best course of action to avoid the sway of emotion in trading. Passive index investing, diversification, and dollar-cost averaging are all fairly easy ways to maintain objectivity.

What is an example of emotional growth mindset? ›

For example, when we experience positive emotions we tend to show more interest, pay more attention, ask more questions and interact with others in a more open, exploratory fashion. These engaged behaviours are essential for adopting a Growth Mindset.

What is the 72 rule of finance? ›

Do you know the Rule of 72? It's an easy way to calculate just how long it's going to take for your money to double. Just take the number 72 and divide it by the interest rate you hope to earn. That number gives you the approximate number of years it will take for your investment to double.

What is a passive investor? ›

Also known as a buy-and-hold strategy, passive investing means buying a security to own it long-term. Unlike active traders, passive investors do not seek to profit from short-term price fluctuations or market timing.

What type of investor is Warren Buffett? ›

What is Warren Buffett's Investing Style? Warren Buffett is a famous proponent of value investing. Warren Buffett's investment style is to "buy ably-managed businesses, in whole or in part, that possess favorable economic characteristics." We also look at his investment history and portfolio.

What type of investor is aggressive? ›

Aggressive Investor Defined

An aggressive investor wants to maximize returns by taking on a relatively high exposure to risk. As a result, an aggressive investor focuses on capital appreciation instead of creating a stream of income or a financial safety net.

Which type of investor is best? ›

Angel investors usually offer much more favorable terms as compared to the other type of investors. The reason is that angel investors invest in the entrepreneur opening a business, and not the viability of the company.

What are the two main types of investors? ›

Investing attracts different kinds of investors for different reasons. The two major types of investors are the institutional investor and the retail investor.

What is an unhealthy emotional attachment? ›

In an unhealthy attachment, one person typically looks to another for emotional support, usually without offering much in return. The partner who consistently provides support without getting what they need may feel drained, resentful, and unsupported.

What is intimacy to a man? ›

Intimacy in a relationship is a feeling of being close, and emotionally connected and supported. It means being able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings and experiences that we have as human beings.

What do you call someone who gets attached easily? ›

Dependent personality disorder usually starts during childhood or by the age of 29. People with DPD have an overwhelming need to have others take care of them. Often, a person with DPD relies on people close to them for their emotional or physical needs. Others may describe them as needy or clingy.

What is a man's deepest emotional need? ›

Some common emotional needs that men look forward to getting are respect, affection, sexual fulfillment, honesty, prioritization, etc.

What makes a man feel bonded to a woman? ›

In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.

How do you make a man crave you? ›

How to make him want you more: 8 tips to make him crave for you!
  1. Call him by cute names often:
  2. Keep him guessing:
  3. Touch him unexpectedly:
  4. Small changes do make a big difference:
  5. Compliment him often:
  6. Take him down the memory lane:
  7. Give him ample space:
  8. Smell good at all times:
Dec 13, 2016

Are narcissists emotionally needy? ›

Narcissists also deny emotional needs. They won't admit that they're being demanding and needy, because having needs makes them feel dependent and weak. They judge it as needy. Although narcissists don't usually put the needs of others first, some narcissists are actually people-pleasers and can be very generous.

Is being needy manipulative? ›

They are the type of person that will ask you for favors, but they won't do anything in return. Needy people often ask for favors, not only for help but also for attention. Asking for a favor is a way of involving you in their lives and this is actually a form of manipulation.

Are clingy people controlling? ›

Controlling mannerisms

Clinginess can take a turn toward controlling behavior if power and wanting to gain the upper hand enters the picture. You may want your partner to fulfill specific expectations, and if they don't, it can intensify thoughts that they aren't doing what you need because they don't love you enough.

What does emotional blunting feel like? ›

One of the widely-reported side effects of SSRIs is 'blunting', where patients report feeling emotionally dull and no longer finding things as pleasurable as they used to. Between 40-60% of patients taking SSRIs are believed to experience this side effect.

How do you emotionally detox? ›

4 Ways to Emotionally Detox
  1. Set Aside Some Time for Self-Care. Consider getting away, even if for just one night, to spend time alone and away from all the pressures that contribute to your overwhelm. ...
  2. Change Your Home Environment. ...
  3. Pick Up Healthy Hobbies or Pastimes. ...
  4. Work With a Healthcare Practitioner to Manage Anxiety.
May 10, 2020

What are signs of emotional detachment? ›

Symptoms of emotional detachment

a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied when around others. difficulty being loving or affectionate with a family member. avoiding people, activities, or places because they're associated with past trauma. reduced ability to express emotion.

How much money do you need to be a private investor? ›

The minimum investment in private equity funds is relatively high—typically $25 million, although some are as low as $250,000. Investors should plan to hold their private equity investment for at least 10 years.

How do you become an aggressive investor? ›

Usually, an aggressive investor works with longer time horizons and a high level of risk tolerance. For example, a young investor with small portfolios and longer time horizons is typically an aggressive investor. A longer time horizon allows the portfolio to recover from potential fluctuations within the market.

How do you qualify as an investor? ›

Requirements to Be an Accredited Investor

A natural person with income exceeding $200,000 in each of the two most recent years or joint income with a spouse exceeding $300,000 for those years and a reasonable expectation of the same income level in the current year.

How much do personal investors make? ›

How much does a Private Investor make hourly in the United States? The average hourly wage for a Private Investor in the United States is $81 as of May 25, 2023, but the salary range typically falls between $69 and $95.

Can you live off being an investor? ›

You can live off interest alone, but you need to be careful about understanding your expenses and your current and future assets. Also, remember that investment returns are not guaranteed, and the more risk you take on to achieve a higher return, the greater your probability of losing some of your investment.

How much should a silent investor get? ›

How much does a silent partner get paid? Silent partners get paid depending on their contribution and their equity in your business. Let's say that your silent partner invested $50,000, and your business is valued at $500,000. That means they have 10% ownership of the business, and they'll receive 10% of the profits.

Can you become an investor without money? ›

The good news is that you don't need much money to start investing. Most online brokers have no account minimums to get started and some offer fractional share investing for those starting with small dollar amounts. For just a few dollars you can purchase ETFs that allow you to build a diversified portfolio of stocks.

What is the riskiest investment an investor can make? ›

While the product names and descriptions can often change, examples of high-risk investments include: Cryptoassets (also known as cryptos) Mini-bonds (sometimes called high interest return bonds) Land banking.

Is Intelligent investor hard? ›

The Intelligent Investor is a great book for beginners, especially since it's been continually updated and revised since its original publication in 1949. It's considered a must-have for new investors who are trying to figure out the basics of how the market works. The book is written with long-term investors in mind.

At what age should you invest aggressively? ›

Key Takeaways. If you're in your 30s, you have 30 or more years to profit from the investment markets before you are likely to retire. If you can handle the volatility of stock prices, now's the time to invest aggressively.

How hard is it to become an investor? ›

Investing isn't difficult. You don't have to be a math genius to understand where to put your money or be afraid of scary terms like “stock market volatility.” (That just means the prices of companies in the stock market are changing rapidly.) The more you know, the better you'll feel about investing.

What type of investors make the most money? ›

The most successful investors invest in stocks because you can make better returns than with any other investment type. Warren Buffett became a successful investor by buying shares of stocks, and you can too.

How much does 1 million investors make a year? ›

How much interest does $1 million make per year? Forbes reports that, on average, investors can expect about a 10% annual return on the S&P 500 — that's $100,000 per year, provided you reinvest at least some of the dividends. However, your return depends on several different factors.

What is a good return for a private investor? ›

Expectations for return from the stock market

Most investors would view an average annual rate of return of 10% or more as a good ROI for long-term investments in the stock market. However, keep in mind that this is an average. Some years will deliver lower returns -- perhaps even negative returns.

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