Online dating has come a long way in past few years, and instead of the shot-in-the-dark approach to finding your new squeeze, new dating apps increasingly cater to specific niches. Want a fitspo workout partner? Try SWEATT! More specifically—are youinto bacon? Try Sizzl!(Or don't, I've heard it's pretty bad).
Naturally, different types of apps attract different types of users. I would know, I've tried most of them. Here I present you with a general rundown of the varying stereotypes of menyou're likely tomeet on these popular dating apps. Matchmaking begins after the break.
Bumble Guy
Bumbleguyis pretty progressive. He’s nice, smart, and professional.
Bumbleguywent to Yale and works at a cool, socially conscious start-up. He respects women; on this app, women must make the first move in order to start conversing. He’s smart, sensitive, and kind of handsome without being intimidatingly hot. Like, he has a cool beard but still wears ugly shoes. That’s okay, cuz he would basically be the dream dude—if only he was a little more fun. Let's be honest, Bumbleguyis a bit on the serious side. Try getting a few laughs outta him—otherwise, it might feel like going on a date with your professor. Areyouinto that? I am, for a little while. But not forever.
Pickup line: "My nieces and nephews are really adorable. What kind of parent doyouthinkyou'll be?"
Raya Guy
Rayaguyhas a cool job. Like, an intimidatingly cool job. He’s the creative director/photographer/graphic designer for rock stars, and he has thousands of Instagram followers. His friends are all famous influencer types and they’re Always Having A Good Time™. Or at least, that’s what it looks like online.You’ll go on two amazing dates, and discuss art, sex, and the industry, and thenyou’ll never see him againbecause he’ll takeoff to work on a Very Famous Person’s album and start dating a “selfie model” with more Instagram followers thanyou.Youknow this becauseyoufollow his Instagram, obsessively.
Pickup line: “I’m flying out to L.A./NYC /London/ Argentina/Singapore tomorrow, but I’d love to takeyouout tonight and name-drop all my famous friends.”
The League Guy
Within the first three minutes of texting with The Leagueguy,he’ll tellyouhow many businesses he owns, what kind of car he drives, where he went to school, and what kind of furnishings he has in his apartment. He’s a doctor with three practices in Jersey but comes to the city every weekend to stay in his parent’s spare apartment in Murray Hill and hit the clerrrbs. The Leagueguylikes grand gestures to showyouhow impressively important he is—box tickets to a sporting game, perhaps a non-committal invite to an out of state polo tournament, are his calling card. This might all sound like fun for a little while, but don’t be fooled: The Leagueguyfeels entitled to everything. Includingyou.
Pickup line: “I’m kind of a big deal.”
Tinder Guy
TinderGuyis aguyyou’d nevermeetin your real life. He’s like a vacation from your realitybecause Tinder connects people that, quite frankly,youwould and should never cross paths with IRL.
Tinderguycould literally be anyone. He could be a bus driver, he could be a cuteguywho works in finance, or he could be a school teacher. Who knows?! It’s like playing Russian Roulette. That can be a bad thing, and it can also be a good thing, depending on whatyou’re looking for.
Youdon’t know too much about himbecause he never bothered to fill in his profile—it’s just selfies in his dirty bathroom and dated vacation pics. None of this matters, though, you're only looking for someone to shag away the heartache from your recently ended five-year relationship.
Pickup line: “Wanna bone?”
Happn Guy
Happnguylives in your neighborhood. So depending on whereyoulive, Happnguywill vary. Happnguyin my neighborhood is a musician and part-time art handler/production assistant (I live in Greenpoint in Brooklyn, New York).You’ll never actually go on a date with Happnguy. Happn is just a fun game to look at whileyou’re waiting for the subway.
Pickup line: "Are you home?"
OkCupid Guy
OkCupid guylives in a basem*nt and only comes up for air every six months. Actually, I’m not exactly sure—I stopped using OkCupid over a year ago because of all the weird unwarranted sexual advances. I’m pretty sure it's just spam bots and neck beards now.
Pickup line:
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“f*ckyou, bitch”
Handy
Handy guywill come over for a date but clean your apartment instead. Kind of strange, but hey, I’m not complaining.Youshould probably tip him.
Pickup line: “Hi, I’m here to clean your apartment.”
