In a way, narcissist’s relationship with money reflects how they treat people. They try and take as much as they can, whilst giving as little as they can.
The majority of narcissists are stingy with their money. And it takes a crowbar to prise their creaking money pouches open. But this isn’t always the case. Some narcissists in some situations do splash the cash. But only if there’s something in it for them.
Here’s some of the things I’ve noticed with narcissists and their relationship with money…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they probably see you as an extension of themselves. Narcissists have little empathy, so they don’t step in your head and realise you’re a fully independent person, just like them. In their mind you’re here to serve their needs. And the same goes for your money.
Narcissists don’t see where they end and you begin. They consider your money and possessions as theirs. Most narcissists don’t think twice about helping themselves to your cash or possessions. And many continue even after being asked to stop.
But try taking something of theirs and it’s a whole different story. They don’t like it one bit!
Most narcissists have a carefree relationship with money when it comes to their spending. They live in the moment, so they don’t put much thought into things like budgeting for the future.
Narcissists usually have a short term approach to money. Much like they do with life. And they spend now, and worry later. If they worry at all.
Narcissists often bury their heads in the sand when it comes to money. And ignore financial problems for as long as they can. Hoping they’ll magically go away. And when things come to a head, they reach out to others to bail them out.
Narcissists generally spend in a carefree manor. But expect different from their partners. Narcissists expect their partners to be frugal and forward thinking with money. And expect them to pick up the pieces when things go wrong.
Partners of narcissists end up realising the situation. They learn that the narcissist doesn’t care where the money is coming from to pay for that car repair. So the onus is on the narcissists partner. And this is what the narcissist wants.
Narcissists want to be able to swan around, carefree, whilst their partner does all the worrying. The narcissist largely spends what they want, when they want. Whilst their partner desperately scrimps and scrapes, to cover the bills.
This creates an inequality over who spends what. With the narcissist spending the lions share, whilst their partner desperately coppers up to pay the bills. And if their partner thinks “sod it, I’m going to spend something on me for a change.” The narcissist often attempts to shame them for “wasting” money.
After a while the narcissist establishes the normal running of things. They can relax and do what they want. Whilst their partner worries about making ends meet.
Narcissists And Gifts
Many narcissists seem to become involved in fraud at some point in their lives. It might be claiming benefits they’re not entitled to, mail order fraud etc. The odd narcissist becomes involved in high stakes fraud. But they often seem to get caught. Probably because they over estimated their own competence.
I remember one lad who I knew who was diagnosed with NPD would order things online. And every time he was delivered the good without being asked for a signature, he would claim he didn’t receive it. And get another item free. Which he would usually sell.
I’ve also heard many stories of narcissists taking out loans and running up credit cards in their partners name. And without their partner being aware of it. Only after the relationships breaks down they realise the narcissist has run up a sizeable debt in their name.
Narcissists seem to have issues with their memory when it comes to money. They may remember that £3 they lent you 4 years ago. But have absolutely no recollection of that holiday you paid for last year.
Narcissists seem to have an almost photographic memory of everything they’ve paid out. And may remind you of them for years.
Narcissists develop a wide range of tricks to extract money from others. They might disappear when it’s their round at the bar. Claim they’ve forgotten their wallet. Cry poverty, you name it.
Narcissists develop a whole host of tricks to take as much as they can, whilst giving away as little as possible.
Many narcissists like to cry poverty from time to time. This often gets them off the hook paying for things. Or gets them loans or gifts of money.
Narcissists like to lay it on thick. And make their problems your responsibility. Whilst they were spending money like it was going out of fashion, you were being sensible with yours. And your reward? You can give it to the narcissist to bail them out.
And once you’ve done this once, the narcissist places an expectation on you to always pick up the pieces for them. This is how they like things.
It can be highly frustrating when you advise the narcissists to watch their spending. And they tell you to relax. Then days later cry poverty.
Narcissists usually can’t help showing off their major purchases. They could be designer clothes, electrical goods, new phone etc.
Narcissists have delusions of grandiosity and superiority, and money and expensive items feed their delusions. They own high status goods, which makes them high status. But it only works for them if they can show it all off. Narcissists crave outside validation.
The narcissist sometimes gets so excited showing off what they’ve bought, they forget that they were crying poverty only a few days ago. Hmm.
Not all, but a sizeable amount of narcissists seem to gamble. Particularly male narcissists. I put this down to their magical thinking.
Narcissists believe they’re entitled to more than everybody else. And feel greatness is their destiny, regardless of merit. So they gamble, feeling sure they’ll win.
The narcissist feels the universe will give them the rewards they deserve. And they feel deserving, even if they’ve done nothing to merit this.
Narcissists don’t talk about all the money they lose gambling. But they’re quick to show off their winnings.
Narcissists seem to block out their losses, barely remembering them. And focus on their winnings. So they probably feel like they’re winning. Even when they’re well down.
Many narcissists show off how wealthy and successful they are one minute, and cry poverty the next. Narcissists like the best of both worlds. They want to be seen as superior, wealthy and flash. But at the same time they want you to rally round and help the poor victim.
Narcissists find various ways to justify these inconsistencies. I remember one showing off how much her new job paid. But when it came to paying for things, she claimed all her wage was going on repaying credit cards.
In some circ*mstances, narcissists can be generous. But when they are, it’s NEVER for the sake of being generous. There’s always an ulterior motive.
A narcissist might be generous because they want a favour. They know you’ll feel beholden if they buy you something. To a narcissist this is an investment.
The narcissist may simply be bored and want some attention. To get your attention they offer to buy you something. Most narcissists hate being alone for too long. So they sometimes bribe their way into gaining someone’s company.
If a narcissist wants to impress a new love interest, they might be generous at first. And pay for meals and lavish gifts. But usually once they have drawn in this love interest, the generosity peters out.
The narcissist may continue with their generosity if they’ve attracted someone much younger and better looking than them.
Nothing flatters a self narcissists image more than being seen with someone young and good looking. So the narcissist may continue to be generous in order to keep them and bolster their image.
Narcissists sometimes encourage their partners to quit their jobs and move in with them. They sell the idea as wanting to care for them. But this isn’t really their motivation.
Narcissists love nothing more than having total power over someone. And controlling the purse strings gives them such power.
The narcissist may deny money as a punishment, if they feel they haven’t behaved or done what they’re told. And may give money as a reward for behaviours they want to encourage. Such as subservience and obedience.
Once a narcissist knows they have power to control someone, they use it liberally. They might threaten to cut off money if they don’t get their way. Or deny money for things like going to the gym, or socialising with friends. Because narcissists don’t really want you to have a life that doesn’t involve them.
A narcissist won’t usually give anything for nothing. If they suddenly appear generous, there’s usually an ulterior motive. Before you accept their “generosity”, think about what they might be up to.
Money is a great tool to aid narcissists delusions of grandiosity and superiority. Money makes them feel powerful and successful. They look down on people with less money. And look to take from those with more.
More vulnerable narcissists may be generous to gain your attention. They might bribe you if they’re bored or lonely, and want to spend time with you. Which I suppose isn’t the worst thing in the world. But if you’re a love interest, they might be generous to draw you in. Then become stingy once their mission is accomplished.
Narcissists strive to take more than they give, and many free load their way through life. Giving them more money to spend on important things, such as alcohol, drugs, designer clothes etc. If a narcissist wants to join forces with you financially, there’s usually only one winner!
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