But beyond that, it's also harmful to the person being orbited. It can keep that same pain alive for them, even if they are actively taking steps to cope with those feelings and move on. Basically, it's dragging you both into a potentially bad place, which certainly isn't fair to your former partner if they're working on moving forward.
"If nothing else, keeping tabs on someone from afar — orbiting them — deprives an individual of the present moment," O'Neill told Teen Vogue. "It brings up questions and thoughts of the past and it can lock people into a cycle of grief and loss that can be difficult to resolve."
O'Neill compared it to showing up at an ex's house every so often to check in. While you might not be physically present when orbiting, she said your social image is still taking up space in that person's life.
"Think of it this way — if you broke up with someone, would you want them to show up at your house every so often and ask you for an overview of your day, as well any pictures you have from your most recent night out? Of course not," she said. "So, why should you give that person space in your virtual life? For your ex, the privilege of knowing about your life ends when the relationship ends."
As Iovine wrote for Man Repeller, orbiting may be a way of exerting control over someone. Taylor Lorenz, social media reporter at The Daily Beast, told Iovine that orbiting is a way of keeping options open — of not closing the door completely to a potential or past relationship, but also not committing to it.
“You want to keep someone on the table or don’t want to totally write someone off,” she said.
Rather than not giving yourself or your former partner space to grieve what's lost — or to just plain old move on with their life without the ghosts of their past constantly watching — O'Neill said it's generally a good idea to have somewhat of a clean break from your ex.
"It’s probably best to at least carve out a bit of space from a person after the relationship ends. There are certainly exceptions and if it is a relatively amicable separation, then perhaps maintaining communication is possible. But, in general, most breakups involve at least some hurt feelings," she told Teen Vogue. "The ability to orbit a person after a breakup can result in individuals feeling stuck in a cycle of painful feelings. Individuals who orbit an ex may feel experience an increase in feelings of anger and sadness, which can interfere with the ability of the grieving process."
To facilitate that, she said you can unfriend, unfollow, and even block an ex if you need or want to.
"The relationship has ended," she said, "and you don’t owe them any space in your life."
Related: Noah Centineo Apparently Ghosted Busy Phillips's Friend
