Alone Together
By Sherry Turkle
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As soon as Sherry Turkle arrived at the studio for her Fresh Air interview, she realized she'd forgotten her phone. "I realized I'd left it behind, and I felt a moment of Oh my god ... and I felt it kind of in the pit of my stomach," she tells Terry Gross. That feeling of emotional dependence on digital devices is the focus of Turkle's research. Her book, Alone Together, explores how new technology is changing the way we communicate with one another.
"The pull of these devices is so strong, that we've become used to them faster than anyone would have suspected," says Turkle, a clinical psychologist and the founder of MIT's Initiative on Technology and Self. Her research investigates how devices are changing the way parents relate to their children, how friends interact, and why many people — both young and old — keep their devices in-hand all the time — even as they sleep.
When Turkle asked teens and adults why they preferred text messaging over face-to-face conversation, they responded that when you're face to face, "you can't control what you are going to say, and you don't know how long it's going to take or where it could go." But Turkle believes that these perceived weaknesses of conversation are actually conversation's strengths. Face-to-face interaction teaches "skills of negotiation, of reading each other's emotion, of having to face the complexity of confrontation, dealing with complex emotion," Turkle says. She thinks people who feel they are too busy to have conversations in person are not making the important emotional connections they otherwise would.
All this leads to Turkle's theory that it is possible to be in constant digital communication and yet still feel very much alone. In Turkle's interviews with adults and teenagers, she found people of all ages are drawn to their devices for a similar reason: "What is so seductive about texting, about keeping that phone on, about that little red light on the BlackBerry, is you want to know who wants you," Turkle says.
Interview Highlights
On young children using digital devices
"Children are getting these phones earlier and earlier. These are years when children need to develop this capacity for solitude, this capacity to feel complete playing alone. If you don't have a capacity for solitude, you will always be lonely, and my concern is that the tethered child never really feels that sense that they are sort of OK unto themselves; and I talk to college students who've grown up with the habit of being in touch with their parents five, 10, 15 times a day. And it's no longer Huckleberry Finn as a model of adolescence, you know, sailing down the Mississippi alone — we've developed a model of adolescence and childhood where we sail down the Mississippi together with our families in tow."
Sherry Turkle is the founder of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self. Her previous books include Simulation and Its Discontents and Life on the Screen. Peter Urban/Basic Books hide caption
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Peter Urban/Basic Books
Sherry Turkle is the founder of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self. Her previous books include Simulation and Its Discontents and Life on the Screen.
Peter Urban/Basic Books
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On the effect of Facebook on teen identity
"[Teens] felt that on Facebook their life story followed them through their lives in a way that their older brothers and sisters were allowed to start fresh when they moved from elementary school to junior high, from junior high to high school, and then crucially from high school to college. And one said to me, 'My god, it used to be you that when you went to college, you got a chance to start fresh, to be a new person. I bet that was great.' And I think that this sense of the Facebook identity as something that follows you all your life is something that many adolescents feel is a burden.
"And I think there's another thing about the Facebook identity and adolescence, which is that many adolescents used to play with identity, play with multiple identities in adolescence, and that used to kind of be their fun, and now there's one identity that counts — it's the Facebook identity. And I think many adolescents are also feeling the pressure of that. So there are many things about the new technology that's changing the nature of adolescence, and I think that the complaints of adolescents about the new technology are — it's a long list, even as they're working with it."
On why we text
"It used to be that people had a way of dealing with the world that was basically, 'I have a feeling, I want to make a call.' Now I would capture a way of dealing with the world, which is: 'I want to have a feeling, I need to send a text.' That is, with this immediate ability to connect and almost pressure to ... because you're holding your phone, you're constantly with your phone, it's almost like you don't know your thoughts and feelings until you connect. And that again is something that I really didn't see until texting. You know, kids are sending out texts all the time. First it was every few minutes, now it's many times a minute."
On why cyberbullying can feel easier than face-to-face bullying
"It all stems from the same thing — which is that when we are face to face — and this is what I think is so ironic about Facebook being called Facebook, because we are not face to face on Facebook ... when we are face to face, we are inhibited by the presence of the other. We are inhibited from aggression by the presence of another face, another person. We're aware that we're with a human being. On the Internet, we are disinhibited from taking into full account that we are in the presence of another human being."
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FAQs
"In this beautifully written, provocative and worrying book, Turkle, a professor at MIT, a clinical psychologist and, perhaps, the world's leading expert on the social and psychological effects of technology, argues that internet use has as much power to isolate and destroy relationships as it has to bring us together. ...
What does alone together mean in the flight from conversation? ›
Turkle uses the term “alone together,” which means that people have rare connections with each other when they stay together and focus on their electronic devices (1). In other words, “alone together” means that people stay together and have no spiritual communication (1).
What is an example of being alone together? ›
Having time to be together without kids or work/schooling being put aside. People can sit at home watch a movie; go for a walk; having a meal or take a drive. It is a time that two people can just relax and just enjoy each other's company.
What is the concept of alone together? ›
Alone Together by Sherry Turkle explores how technology is shaping our relationships and our understanding of ourselves. She argues that while we may feel more connected than ever, we are actually becoming more isolated and disconnected from real human interaction.
What is the ending of alone together? ›
Alex ends her speech by inviting Tin to the stage, and the two shared a hug. As Tin leaves the museum after the ceremony, she finds Raf waiting for her, signaling the resume of their romance. The film ends with Tin meeting Raf and his son, looking at the Spoliarium bringing their story full circle.
What figure of speech is we are alone together? ›
An oxymoron is a figure of speech that consists of two contradictory words. You can create an oxymoron by combining opposite words in the same phrase. This creates a fun, memorable figure of speech, such as “alone together.”
What is the conclusion of the flight from conversation? ›
In conclusion, both Turkle and Twenge argue that the constant desire to connect through technology is shaping a new way of being for people, altering the way that they experience the world and interact with others.
What is Turkle's claim in the flight from conversation? ›
In her article “The Flight from Conversation,” Turkle claims that although technology enables people to connect on superficial levels, it is also causing people to lose their abilities to have meaningful conversations.
What does it mean that we expect more from technology and less from each other? ›
As the title suggests, Turkle argues that we are increasingly demanding and expecting more from technology while demanding less from our friends, family, and coworkers. In previous works, such as Life on the Screen (1997), Turkle was optimistic about the affordances of technology and the Internet.
How do you be alone and together in a relationship? ›
According to mental health therapist Amira Martin, parallel play “can take many forms”, like reading together, working on separate projects, or watching a film without talking. Anecdotally, in my own relationship, my partner and I are both neurodivergent and introverted meaning that often, we need time to decompress.
Being in a relationship with someone does not mean you have to spend all of your time with them. Making time for yourself is incredibly important, and everyone needs space every now and again. If you find yourself wanting to spend some time away from your partner, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong.
Does loneliness mean staying alone? ›
Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn't met. But loneliness isn't the same as being alone. You may feel content without much contact with other people. But others may find this a lonely experience. Some people may only feel lonely at certain times.
Why am I alone in a relationship? ›
Here are the three main causes: You're not spending enough time with friends other than your partner. You're having communication problems with your partner. Your partner's behaviour may be toxic, which might be making it difficult for you to connect with them.
How to be alone and love it? ›
The following tips may help people feel happier about being alone, increase their well-being, and lessen feelings of isolation or loneliness.
- Take up a new hobby. ...
- Volunteer. ...
- Prioritize self-care. ...
- Stay physically active. ...
- Get outdoors. ...
- Talk with a healthcare professional.
Refrain from disturbing or interfering with someone. For example, She'll manage very well if you just leave her alone, or Stop teasing the dog; let him alone. [c. 1400] Also see leave one in peace; let alone; let be.
What is the main idea of Sherry Turkle? ›
Underlying Turkle's central argument is the fact that the technological developments which have most contributed to the rise of inter-connectivity have at the same time bolstered a sense of alienation between people. The alienation involves links between social networks favouring those of proper conversations.
What is the message of alone? ›
In this autobiographical poem, a speaker describes his lifelong feelings of loneliness, isolation, and difference. His intense imaginative life, he writes, is a curse, forever setting him apart from other people. But it's also a blessing, the source of his visionary power.
What is the message conveyed from the talk connected but alone? ›
In her speech “Connected, but Alone?” Sherry Turkle argues that we are too connected to our devices which is causing negative psychological, communication, and companionship affects. She is effective arguing these points by using relatable examples.
How does Sherry Turkle support her main idea? ›
Tur kle supports her main idea by constant examples throughout the article. In paragraph 12 Tu rkle says 'We are tempted to think that out little of online connection up to a big gulp of real conversation. But they don't. She also states that “FACE-TO-FACE conversation unfolds slowly.
