How Parents Can Help Their Daughters Avoid the Financial Gender Gap — Laura Clydesdale (2024)

(Originally featured on the Washington Post)

“I need to feed my pig!” my daughter said as she ran with the coins to her beloved purple piggy bank many years ago.

Firmly fixed in family lore, we invoke the line every time we talk about money. Want to go on a family vacation? “Feed the pig.” Want a new bike? “Feed the pig.”

Now that both of our children are teenagers and closer to living on their own, feeding their “pigs” has become a lot more complicated — and not so cute.Especially for my daughter.The statistics show that, in her lifetime, she will end up having less money than my son, and feel more uncomfortable dealing with it.

Women live longer than men but, on average, make less money in similar occupations, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Add the potential of leaving the workforce to raise children, maybe a costly divorce and higher health-care expenses than men, and you get a co*cktail of factors that lead to a hangover of lower lifetime income, less personal savings and lower Social Security benefits than men.

Does this mean my daughter needs a pig twice the size of her brother’s?

Adding to this, a study conducted by Financial Finesse in 2015 concluded that a high percentage of women are uncomfortable with crucial areas of financial planning, such as money management and investment planning. “The areas where women are furthest behind are arguably the most important,”says Liz Davidson, the company’s chief executive and founder.

At first, I thought this money-discomfort in the survey was because the pool included mixed generations. Older women, after all, often had their husbands manage the finances for them. Imagine my shock when I discovered that, according to a Women & Money Magazinesurvey, only 10 percent of women ages 25 to 34 had a detailed financial, plan compared with one-third when it included all women.

Do I need to tell my daughter about these depressing dominoes stacked against her? Do I tell her she needs to save double what her brother does? That she should spend only half of what she wants to spend?Do I have to treat my children differently and instill fear in my daughter about her financial future, which statistics imply will be doomed?Maybe there is another way. Perhaps teaching financial literacy at a young age could help mitigate the problem.

A long time ago, we decided not to give our kids an allowance. This idea originated with a conversation my husband and I had during a rare and precious date night.

“You know, I find it interesting that we have the same work ethic and respect for saving money, yet we grew up in very different households.” I had said.

I grew up in the Midwest, the eldest child of two very young parents who were working multiple jobs to finish college and support the household. Bringing in take-out food for dinner was an extravagance. My husband was the youngest child and was raised in Hong Kong. Let’s just say his experience was different.

The common denominator, we discovered, was that neither of us received an allowance.If either of us wanted to go out with friends or buy something, we had to cut someone’s grass, wash cars or babysit. That motivated both of us to start working odd jobs and saving money when we were young.

We gave it a try and so far, this strategy has worked well. It’s perhaps been even more effective because we also insisted that our children save 20 percent of all earnings.At the time, we weren’t thinking about statistics. We just wanted to give our kids some life skills.

At first, they wanted to make purchases, but a funny thing started to happen. They often changed their minds at the last minute, when faced with parting with the cash. An addictive quality — a Midas effect perhaps — started to take over as they accumulated wealth.

We opened savings and investment accounts as my children’s “pigs” became full. But over time my daughter started to fit a worrying stereotype that is another danger area for women. Research suggests that females are more risk-averse in investing, leading to additional lower returns over their lifetime.

My daughter was having a hard time understanding the difference between investing and gambling. My son had the opposite problem and wanted to throw everything into Tesla.

Sallie Krawcheck, co-founder and chief executive of Ellevest, saysthat perhaps women aren’t more risk-averse than men, but instead more risk-aware. “They want to understand risk and what it means: not in the ‘standard deviation of returns’ way, but in the ‘if the market wobbles, can I still reach my goals’ way. That’s what holds so many of us back from full investing.”

So we made the case that abstract middle school algebra can be shockingly relevant to real life.

The power of three is so much greater than the power of two, yet you are led to think that the difference is just one. It’s not. If your 10-year-old invests $100 today, earns 5 percent a year and doesn’t touch it, it will be $1,464 when she’s 65. If instead you start with the same $100 but only add $5 every year without investing at 5 percent, it will only be $375. The numbers, of course, become drastically different if you spend any of the savings along the way.

My daughter got it. She created reachable goals and found some low-risk investments she could live with. She usually checks in on how her “portfolio” is doing and adds a few dollars monthly. She even said a few weeks ago, “I want that shirt, but I don’t need it.”

And so I cross my fingers, hoping that I might never need to have a talk with my daughter regarding the rocky financial road that awaits her, according to statistics.We won’t know for years how this will turn out. But if she gains control over her financial freedom and is empowered to set goals, she will — I hope — make smarter decisions regarding her growing pig.

How Parents Can Help Their Daughters Avoid the Financial Gender Gap — Laura Clydesdale (2024)

FAQs

How do I deal with my 21 year old daughter? ›

Try to be kind but firm and work toward being thoughtful. So rather than responding when your child says something you disagree with or that pushes your buttons, say, “You know what, let me think about what you're saying and let's talk later.” Don't get pulled into that struggle.

What to do when you miss your kids? ›

Take positive action
  1. Make plans for when you'll see your child. Think about what you can do together.
  2. Try to keep a positive relationship with your ex-partner. This will make it less stressful for you and your child.
  3. Focus on your wellbeing and try to stay fit and healthy. ...
  4. Make plans and spend time on things you enjoy.

Why am I struggling to parent? ›

A mental health problem can make the day-to-day challenges of parenting feel harder. For example, anxiety may make you more easily worried. Or depression may mean that you have low energy. You may also experience side effects from medications, such as tiredness.

How do I deal with not living with my child? ›

Make your house a home

If you're living in a new place, it's important that your child has one spot they can call their own. Ideally, your child would have their own room. But if that's not possible, give your child their own bed and a special cupboard or a place to store their things.

What is the hardest age to parent a daughter? ›

These findings may seem surprising if you've never had an 8-year-old, but there are some reasons a child's eighth year can be especially challenging from a parent's perspective. Eight-year-olds can be stubborn, slamming doors and rolling their eyes, in their attempts to establish their independence and individuality.

Who is 21 with a 15 year old daughter? ›

One woman named Hunter Nelson from Kentucky took to TikTok to reveal that she was only 21 years old and had a teenage daughter aged 15. In the clip, she revealed that she fears never being taken seriously by school teachers at her child's high school. The clip shocked many. Netizens were keen to know her story.

At what age do children miss their parents? ›

The timing of separation anxiety can vary. Some kids might go through it later, between 18 months and 2½ years of age. Some never experience it.

What is empty nesting? ›

Empty nest syndrome refers to the grief that many parents feel when their children move out of home. This condition is typically more common in women, who are more likely to have had the role of primary carer.

How do parents feel when their child goes missing? ›

Fear for the child's safety, worry and anxiety were the most commonly reported feelings. Most parents reported that they felt "their world turned upside down" when their children went missing.

What is cold mother syndrome? ›

Cold mother syndrome refers to a parenting style characterized by emotional distance, dismissiveness, and rejection. This type of mothering is often accompanied by a lack of emotional availability and neglect of a child's emotional needs.

What is the toughest age to parent? ›

Research shows that some people find it hardest to parent children in their middle school years. Puberty and peer pressure can leave these teens feeling angry, alone, and confused, which can cause bad behavior and disagreements.

What is depleted mother syndrome? ›

Mom burnout sometimes called depleted mother syndrome, is the feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment caused by intense child care demands. Burnout is the result of too much stress and a lack of resources for coping with it.

Is it normal to not want to be a mom anymore? ›

Most mothers are exhausted and annoyed at motherhood because their children may cry and whine a lot, not listen, and do dangerous things that they're not aware are anxiety provoking for parents. Motherhood is hard and it's true that many moms hate being a mother. It's ok, you're not alone.

At what age is a child most affected by divorce? ›

Divorce with school-aged kids (5 to 13 years old)

The school-aged years are probably the worst age for divorce for children; the potential for emotional trauma from divorce is highest at age 11.

Do you live longer with or without kids? ›

The average lifespan of a human is 71, but parents of two kids can expect a few more years with their average lifespan being 76. "One thing that is relatively clear is that having children is more beneficial to longevity than not having children at all," says Jianzhi Zhang, an author in the study.

How do I set boundaries with my adult daughter? ›

How to set boundaries
  1. Tell your adult children and grandchildren clearly and confidently what your boundaries are.
  2. Use '''I' statements instead of '''you' statements: 'I feel …' instead of ''You make me feel …'
  3. Maintain consistent boundaries – speak up every time you believe they are not being respected.
Feb 14, 2024

What to do when your grown child hurts your feelings? ›

Be sure to respect and enforce your own boundaries. If they're lashing out at you, ask for time and space. “Forgive your child for not expressing his or her feelings perfectly, but don't accept abuse,” says Nance L.

Is it normal to live with your parents at 21? ›

If you feel ashamed about moving in with your parents, know that it's a common living arrangement for many young people across the United States. According to 2021 data from the U.S. Census Bureau, one in three American adults ages 18 to 34 live at home.

How can I communicate better with my grown daughter? ›

5 Tips for Better Communication With Your Adult Child
  1. Be a Good Listener. Even in casual conversation, being a good listener improves communication. ...
  2. Use Your Words Carefully. ...
  3. Apologize When You Mess Up. ...
  4. Let Go. ...
  5. Be Their Cheerleader.

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