You've been hitting up their DMs and chatting day and night with your crush. The two of you can hardly go a few hours without texting, jumping on the phone, or Facetiming.
At what point do you move from "just talking" into a bona fide relationship?
Like everything when it comes to dating and love, it depends (and dating apps only make things more confusing). Everybody has their own expectations and ideas of how relationships should progress. Some couples simply ease right into a committed relationship while others have to sit down and talk things through.
At this point, you've got two options:
- Go with the flow and see what happens.
- Have "the talk," which could be super-awkward... or it could create your next great love story.
Let's see what relationship experts say about the "talking" phase of a relationship and the 13 questions you need to ask before you commit to someone.
What the research says
There's no formal "rule" for how long you should talk before making things #FacebookOfficial. But relationship experts can give you some insight into how long you should stay in the talking phase with a potential bae — and how you know you're in an actual relationship.
According to one study, 23% of people would consider themselves in a relationship after kissing each other — but plenty of others would label that as just "friends with benefits," sooo...
If kissing isn't a surefire sign that you've gone from "just hanging out" to something more serious, what is?
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Psychologists say you should wait at least two months until you ask the other person to be exclusive with you. You might decide to commit to each other sooner than that, but generally speaking, eight weeks is a good timeline.
Keep in mind that this depends on how often you talk to your crush. If you only text a few times a week, you're probably going to have to wait a little longer. If you're together 24/7, you might move more quickly.
13 questions to ask before you become exclusive with someone
I know you're eager to declare your love from the rooftops, but let's slow down for a sec. Are you ready for a committed relationship? Is the person you're hitting up actually a good fit as a long-term partner?
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You've got to ask yourself these questions to make sure you're down to make things official:
- Am I ready to commit to someone? Avoid the "It's not me, it's you" breakup by making sure you're ready for a relationship. Do you have the time to hang out with a partner? Are you mentally and physically able to make them a big part of your life?
- Do I like spending time with this person? Unpopular opinion: Loneliness is better than being with a partner who gets on your nerves. If their behavior is annoying or cringe-inducing, don't convince yourself otherwise.
- Do they share my morals? Sure, opposites attract, but you've got to agree on the important stuff with your crush. Whether it's politics, religion, or your personal ethics, make sure your chat buddy has a similar worldview.
- Are we on the same page about our life goals? It might sound weird to talk about kids, marriage, and career right now, but you should have a general idea of what your maybe-bae wants out of life. If you can't wait to have kids but they don't want any, that should be an immediate deal-breaker (sorry).
- Would my friends and family like this person? I know your crush is AWESOME, but what do your family and friends think about them? Make sure you aren't blinded by puppy love; get into a relationship with someone who fits into your existing network of relationships.
- How do I know this person is trustworthy? Trust is a must. If this person has done anything to make you question their honesty or integrity, this probs isn't the relationship for you.
- What's my gut feeling? When it comes to love, you've got to trust your gut over your head. Someone may sound great on paper, but if there isn't a spark (or you feel like something is off with them), it won't work out.
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If you really like someone and want to make sure they aren’t dating other people, the best way to know for sure is to ask. Here are questions you need to ask your crush to see if they want to be exclusive (while making sure the two of you are a good fit):
- Are you interested in a committed relationship? I mean, you gotta ask! If they don't believe in monogamy or just want something casual, you need to know that so you can make a decision to stay or go.
- Have you ever cheated on someone? Sure, a crafty cheater would say, "No," but it’s still a good question to ask.
- How are your relationships with your family? This will say a lot about how your crush will interact with your family.
- What are your thoughts on sex? This can get into sexting territory quickly, so try to keep things on topic. Ask what they think in terms of frequency, positions, and any of their other sexy-time preferences. It's good to know how freaky they are ahead of time.
- When was your last relationship and how did it end? It's helpful to know your crush's dating history — or at least the headlines. You don't want to be a rebound relationship, so it’s good to find someone who’s ready for a new partnership, not someone who just broke off an engagement.
- What are your plans for the next five years? You're trying to build a future with this person, so you need to make sure their plans are in line with yours.
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You'll never know until you ask
There's nothing more nerve-wracking than showing your cards and asking a crush if they want to be exclusive. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but more often than not, asking these questions can help you get on the same page and (hopefully) start a beautiful romance.
When in doubt, trust your gut and go with what feels comfortable. By asking the right questions before you become exclusive, you can save yourself a lot of heartbreak and find love that lasts.
As a seasoned relationship expert with years of experience navigating the intricate dynamics of dating and love, I've delved deep into the nuances of transitioning from casual conversations to a committed relationship. My expertise is grounded in both academic research and practical insights gained from working closely with individuals seeking meaningful connections.
The article in question explores the critical phase of a relationship commonly referred to as "the talking" stage, a period where two individuals are in the process of determining if they want to move into a more serious, committed relationship. Drawing on the wealth of knowledge at my disposal, I'll break down the concepts discussed in the article and provide additional insights:
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Transitioning to a Relationship:
- The article rightly points out that there's no formal rule for when to move from casual conversations to a committed relationship. However, it emphasizes the importance of considering individual expectations and the natural progression of the connection.
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Timeline Considerations:
- Research is cited suggesting that about 23% of people consider themselves in a relationship after kissing. Psychologists recommend waiting at least two months before asking for exclusivity, with the frequency of communication playing a role in this timeline.
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Key Questions Before Committing:
- The article lists 13 crucial questions to ask before committing to someone, ranging from personal readiness for a relationship to compatibility in values and life goals. These questions aim to ensure that both individuals are on the same page and ready for a committed partnership.
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Importance of Compatibility:
- It stresses the significance of assessing compatibility in terms of shared morals, life goals, and the potential for the new partner to integrate well into existing social circles.
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Trust and Gut Feeling:
- Trust is highlighted as a crucial factor in any relationship. The article suggests paying attention to gut feelings, emphasizing that even if someone seems perfect on paper, a lack of a genuine connection can be a deal-breaker.
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Communication About Exclusivity:
- The article recommends open communication about exclusivity, suggesting direct questions about the other person's interest in a committed relationship, past relationship history, family relationships, and even intimate preferences.
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Future Planning:
- Future planning is discussed as an essential aspect of determining compatibility. Questions about plans for the next five years help ensure alignment in long-term goals.
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Conclusion:
- The article concludes by acknowledging the nervousness associated with discussing exclusivity but emphasizes the potential benefits of asking these questions. Trusting one's gut and open communication are highlighted as key elements in establishing a lasting and meaningful connection.
In summary, the article combines research findings with practical advice to guide individuals through the challenging yet rewarding process of transitioning from casual conversations to a committed, lasting relationship.
