I’ve got something to share with you. I don’t own a credit card. Or any Store Cards. Not one. And I don’t have an overdraft either. Everything I pay for is paid for in cash, usually via my VISA Debit card, with monies readily available in my bank account.
Now, before you start to quake under the pressure of an inferiority complex at that reminder you received the other day about your overdraft limit having been exceeded, or that you latest Credit Card statement is overdue, let me shed a little more light on this seemingly perfect scenario.
I haven’t always been good with money. In fact, I’ve been rather bloody terrible with it.
Four years ago, I found myself sat staring at a pile of monthly statements reminding me I was due to pay what I knew I just simply could not afford to. Over a period of around 10 years, I had managed to amass whopping great £75k of debt.
Let’s pause for a moment whilst your jaws drop.
Yes, you read that right.
Seventy Five Thousand Pounds.
Shocked?
So was I.
For the ten years prior to this, I had been frittering all my hard earned money away on total rubbish; expendable fashion that became unfashionable as soon as I had purchased it, store cards that encouraged you to spend willy-nilly on stuff you neither needed or wanted, nights out, general crap that I never actually ended up using. You get the picture.
Perhaps the most shocking of it all was that, when I scanned my financial horizon and tried to reconcile this huge spend against all my shiny new material purchases – I couldn’t actually see anything of any value. There were no sparkly Louboutins to be seen. No wardrobes full of designer clothes and no fancy car. I had nothing, really, to show for all my reckless spending. It was shameful. And believe me, I felt deeply and utterly ashamed.
I’m not quite sure why I ever ended up being so rubbish with money – my Mum taught me from a young age to respect money and my Grandpa – the other entrepreneur in our family, would forever be reminding me to ‘look after the pennies, and the pounds will look after themselves‘.
In all honesty, I think the rot set in when I was dating an ex boyfriend who decided he wanted to spend all my money. And I mean, quite literally. I was working as an administrator at the time {we’re talking around 14 years ago here} earning peanuts from the day job, but bringing in a nice bit of cash on the side whilst I dabbled my entrepreneurial fingers into website design – something I had taught myself to do and would fill all my spare evening time doing. I remember being paid £3,000 for one job I completed and feeling like I’d struck gold. I was beginning to believe I had the makings of a real business owner. Over the course of the next couple of months, my ‘boyfriend’, proceeded to insist we spent most of these earnings on reckless weekends away; club entries, hotel fees, fancy meals out and drink. I went along with it because I was infatuated. He left me when the money ran out. You live. You learn.
On meeting my now Husband, who is quite possibly the most frugal of allthe people I know in the world, I was in for a bit of a culture shock. He couldn’t have been more different to the ex, who had shown scantregard for my money and had sent me spiraling out of financial control. Here was a man who would rather grow his own vegetables than go out andbuy them. Organic too – we’re talking the real good life deal here. Here was a man who encouraged me stop frittering spare cash away on highstreet fashion I felt I had to have, and invest in more key, timelesspieces. As a graduate in fashion, he taught me to understand garmentconstruction and recognise when I was paying over the odds for badlyproduced tat. My husband is a man who knows his financial capacity andlives within his means. He has taught me so much about the value ofmaterial things and money in general, though he may say I’m stilllearning 🙂
Very recently, we’ve started to discuss the idea of having a shared bank account, and I have to be honest with you, I’m not sure how I feel about this? I love the idea of sharing something as important as this with my husband, but part of me feels terrified too, and I’m not sure why.
I’m so used to managing my own finances now, it feels kind of weird toconsider that we could potentially just have the one account to manage,but then, we’re married, and so, what should be my problem? Surely,sharing a bank account is one of the greatest acts of trust we commit toas a married couple? Or is it more complicated than that? Is it that I’m holding on to my one last symbol of independence? Am I being selfish?
What’s mine is already his and all that. It’s not a case of me feeling tight arsed about my money, I give freely and share with my husband. But a bank account? It feels different somehow. Maybe I should stop pondering and just do it – but why, when everything is running tickety-boo smoothly now would I change anything?
I’d really love to seek the advice and experiences of my readers. Do you share a joint bank account and does the arrangement work comfortably for you? Or have you chosen to manage single bank accounts and how and why does this work better for you?
For the record, my husband is full aware of my abysmal financial past – I don’t keep any of that from him, I have always been up front about it. Four years ago, the idea of sharing what a mess I got myself in
financially with my readers would have sent shivers down my spine. But Ifeel very differently now. I realised that the only way to get myselfout of the position I’d made for myself, would be to work my absolutesocks off and actually start clearing some debt. Going bankrupt was not an option for me. For me personally, that would have felt like the ultimate failure, though I know for others it is an important lifeline out of a crippling world of financial hell. I decided I’d personally rather teach myself a lesson and work hard to reverse my financial situation. And so I did. I’m very proud of that now and feel much more comfortable sharing my experience to encourage others.
Icontacted Stepchange (formerly, and at the time known as The Consumer Credit Counselling Service) for advice and I’mnow well on the way to clearing that £75k. I agreed to reduce my overdraft to zero and cut up all my credit cards. And now, it feels amazing seeing the balance come down every month when Iget my statements through. My credit rating may be less than perfect but that’s resolvable over time, and frankly, I feel liberated that I’ve been able to free myself from the psychological need to carry around several bits of plastic in my wallet that offer a false sense of financial freedom. I just don’t need it anymore. I get way more of a kick out of paying on my debit card. And cutting up your credit cards with a pair of scissors is a cathartic experience like no other.
Like my husband, I’ve learned to live within my means. I still buy more pairs of shoes than I will ever need, but I make sure I have the money in my account to buy them.
There is such a stigma associated with personal financial failure. Let’s face it, who wants to share over their coffee break that they can’t afford to make the minimum payment on their credit card this month, or that they are worried about their mortgage and bills? Failure to manage personal finances is a social indication that you are somehow failing in ‘life’, isn’t it? It’s a vile situation to find yourself in and it’s so easy to suddenly find yourself overwhelmed with financial demands you cannot meet. Even wealthy people or those running successful businesses can be caught out unexpectedly.
So, I say this very seriously, what I have come to learn through addressingmy own personal money management issues, is that the inability to be able to cover yourbasic outgoings can lead to some very serious and stressful situations. If any of my readers are in that place right now, PLEASE don’tsuffer in silence. Please please be brave and pick up the phone to Stepchange– it will be the best thing you ever did. Learn to be in control. Learn to love spreadsheets and budget in advance. Spreadsheets aren’t scary, honest! Martin Lewis’s Money SavingExpert website is also a fabulous online community for finding out waysyou can save the pennies.
No debt problems are unsolvable. It mightn’t be easy or quick,but there’s always a route. Debts are urgent. They grow rapidly overtime, and speedily spiral into trouble. The earlier you deal with ‘em,the easier they are to deal with (moneysavingexpert.com)
I’d love to hear back from you on this one. I must admit I felt a tiny bit nervous hitting the publish button, but Love My Dress has always been full of authentic and honest content and I’m certainly never going to pull the wool over your eyes about how amazing everything is once you’re married and how everything falls perfectly in to place.
Money management is just one aspect of the rich tapestry that is married life – I’m sure many couples on the come down after their wedding have huge debts to face. It’s so easy to throw caution to the wind and spend spend spend for your wedding day – so many of us develop a care free attitude towards money when it comes to our nuptials. Just please be careful my friends; don’t start out your marital life in debt and turn your blind eye to thesituation. Do something about it now and make the first step to a muchhappier and financially secure future.
Love Annabel x
Annabel View all Annabel's articles
Founder of Love My Dress. Passionate Podcaster and Editor. Annabel lives in rural North Yorkshire with her husband and business partner Philip, their two daughters and menagerie of furry hounds. She loves photography, meditation, walking, being outdoors and star gazing. She is fierce when it comes to championing talent within the wedding industry and when she's not working on Love My Dress, she supports her husband Philip in the running of the family's sustainable flower farm and floral design business, Moonwind Flowers. In 2013, she became a published author.
