Are you struggling with couple money management? Learn how to tackle financial challenges together and build a solid partnership.
For Couples Struggling With Money, There Are Ways To Fix What Is Broken
One of the number one questions I get emails about on this site is couple money management.
How do you handle finances in a relationship?
You communicate.
It’s as simple as talking to each other.
When you are in a relationship, you don’t often see the financial side of how a person spends and saves money until you get married.
If you live together before you get married, you should know whether a potential partner is a good saver, but that’s not always the case.
Even couples who decide to reside in different places before marriage may never know each other’s financial situation because it’s not widely talked about.
Should it be?
Of course, it should, especially if you plan to spend the rest of your lives together.
Many of you reading this might say that money doesn’t matter when you are in love, but at some point, it will affect your marriage.
Once the bills start piling up and you realize you don’t have the savings you thought you would, you’ll agree that you should have explored the topic further.
My Husband Spends Too Much Money
Dear Mr.CBB,
I’m tearing my hair out and unsure what to do about my husband and how he manages money.
We don’t have a budget because he has no interest in one and spends money on water.
I wish I had seen this before we married, as it’s putting a big wedge in our marriage.
I’m not happy and not interested in being intimate with him anymore because I’m depressed about our money situation.
When he gets his paycheque deposited every two weeks, he gives me half of it as he seems to think that’s enough.
It’s not enough, as we are short about $500 monthly to pay our debt and bills.
I tried to tell him we didn’t have the money to pay our bills, but he said to put it on the credit card.
He thinks we will get caught up even if I tell him it will cost us more.
I’m afraid to see what will happen next year when I go on maternity leave and only get a portion of my paycheque.
He wants to put a band-aid on our money and hope I can figure it all out.
Do you have any tips for a couple’s money management advice you can help us with?
Karen, Manitoba.
Couple Money Management Takes Two
There are always ways to learn how to manage money better, but things can get tricky for couples.
When dealing with one person, it’s far easier to motivate yourself than with two people.
Especially if one participant is not interested in budgeting and money management.
The problem is that money management means you must be on the same page for it to work.
But how do you make that happen?
Sometimes, it boils down to a request because if nothing changes regarding the couple’s money management, then sometimes leaving is the best option.
I’d opt for couples therapy first to see if a professional can get through to your spouse before walking away.
Even then, some partners are not interested in talking to a stranger about not participating in the relationship.
They are embarrassed, perhaps, or don’t care. In that case, you know the answer.
Couples should always work together to build a happy home, including managing the money.
Say that again: Couple Money Management, NOT just Money Management.
Relationship = Two people. (well, maybe more in some cases)
You have to look out for yourself and your kids if you have any in a relationship where things are going as expected.
Losing everything you have because your partner is rubbish with money and unwilling to change is selfish and unfair to the family.
Couple Money Management Tips
Before I proposed to Mrs CBB, I discussed money in detail so I knew what I was getting into.
Oddly enough, she would tell you the same thing because, as it turns out, we were both finance nerds.
Saving money came easy because we both came from families that didn’t have much but different backgrounds.
Couple, money management was just as important to her as it was to me.
Even today, how we handle money as a couple is pretty tight-knit as we discuss everything from big purchases to stopping at Tim Horton’s for coffee.
That may seem over the top to some people, but some couples don’t even talk about how their day went.
Becoming debt-free before 40 and paying off our house in 5 years has merit when managing our money as a couple.
Below are eight couple money management tips we use today to ensure our marriage stays financially and emotionally happy.
1. Talk About Money
If you have a spouse who spends too much money and doesn’t want anything to do with managing finances, smack them upside down.
Just kidding.
Seriously, you both need to sit and talk about money and where you’d like to see yourselves financially.
This is a great time to discuss giving each other a monthly adult allowance as the first move.
For example, Mrs CBB and I give ourselves $50 monthly for whatever we like. Splurge money, some might call it.
They may engage better if a spouse opposes budgeting but sees something in it for them, such as an allowance.
However, you won’t know how much you can offer an allowance until you create a budget.
2. Discuss Financial Goals
Mrs CBB and I discussed our financial goals many times over our 11-year relationship as things changed.
We went from being a couple to becoming a family, and anyone with children knows your budget will increase kids.
Any time we discuss money goals, we write them down on paper, which motivates us more than typing on a computer.
Sometimes, we’ve even posted our goals on the refrigerator to remind us how vital our budget is.
I’m telling you, it’s not easy to get ahead, but you have to want it bad enough to do it without sacrificing your happiness.
That means you must balance saving with enjoying life and spending time and money on yourself.
The key is that you have to save before you spend, so any time you want to splurge, you MUST have the money to do so.
For example, if you want to go on a one-week trip to Cuba, save money first instead of putting the expense on a credit card.
3. Create A Budget
I’m not a therapist or marriage counselor, but I am married and feel we are successful in managing couples’ money.
Creating a money management sheet is as simple as creating a basic budget, which offers you information on two things:
- How much money you earn
- Where the money is being spent or saved
Often, I think people get scared of the word “budget,” so we’ve devised ways to frost the term to ease stress.
You may have heard of a money management sheet or spending plan, but they are just budgets in primary forms.
They are for people who don’t want to spend as much time as you would with a full Excel budget spreadsheet to track expenses as we use them.
I’m okay with that because I’d rather see a couple use any form of money management rather than nothing at all.
Budgeting is the best way to track money; there’s no way around that.
I tried and failed miserably when I was younger but soon realized I needed to put more effort into managing my money to succeed.
4. Debt Management
I often come across those with little idea of calculating their debt-to-income ratio.
This is a basic understanding of how much debt you have by how much income you earn.
If you don’t know how much debt you must pay back, you must create a debt management sheet and write it all down.
The best way to organize your budgeting tools is in a budget binder so that you can print documents from our free downloads and fill them in manually.
Once you know how much money you owe, it will allow you to plan your monthly budget around paying back your debt fast.
5. Retirement and Future
Where do you see yourselves in the future?
Do you have a WILL? Yes, you will need one.
Retirement can be as simple as you’d like, and I think some people would prefer it that way.
I’ve learned that retirement isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be, especially if someone becomes ill.
Mental illness and other diseases can take over at any age and can cost a fortune as not everything is covered under OHIP.
Discussing with your spouse what could happen in the future, including the bad stuff, is so important.
Understanding what each other wants regarding preferences when entering a retirement home or memory care facility is brilliant communication.
Also, if you are both healthy and want to travel, how often would you like to travel and where?
Knowing where you see your retirement is a great way to plan retirement savings.
Just be aware that what you plan and what happens can be different.
Many people can save their lives to enjoy their dreams in the golden years, never to recognize them.
The critical point to take away from this is to consider investing in a Registered Retirement Savings Plan and Tax-Free Savings Plan as soon as possible.
It’s not something you want. It’s something you will need.
A financial advisor should direct and provide you with information about available products.
6. Budget Responsibilities
You can’t create a budget and then put the weight of responsibility on just one person when you are in a relationship.
For example, Mrs. CBB adds up all of our receipts to ensure they are accurate and inputs them into our Excel spreadsheet.
I created all of our budget and net worth monthly charts so we could see how much money we earned and where the money was spent.
Even if you have one partner who is not budget-minded, a small task like organizing receipts is easy to complete.
You should always get receipts to manage your budget if you need to return an item, even if you make a grocery store purchase.
I’m just saying it will make a BIG difference to your budget success.
7. Weekly Finance Meetings
When Mrs CBB and I started budgeting, we would have weekly finance meetings.
We would sit in our office each week and review the expenses we incurred and discuss upcoming purchases.
For example, if I needed to buy tools or a new pair of shoes, we would discuss whether we had the money saved.
This is good practice for new couples or couples without a budget or money management system.
Talking about expenses before you make them is smart because saving up to pay cash is better than using credit.
Avoid it if at all possible.
The meeting doesn’t have to be lengthy, perhaps 10 or 15 minutes, and then get on with your day.
8. Saving For Your Children
Lastly, you must consider the present and future if you have children.
Ensure you are budgeting money for them each month to participate in activities, clothing, and healthy, balanced meals.
It’s not just about you anymore. It’s about a child who looks up to you for guidance, so support and love your child by doing your best.
If you have the money in your budget to contribute to a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP), I’d encourage you to participate.
The future education cost will only increase, and anything you can do to help your children get ahead will be a blessing.
Conclusion
The only other thing I want to point out here is that couples should make time for themselves to go out for a date night.
If there are limited funds, perhaps send the kids to a babysitter or the in-laws for the evening and have dinner at home.
You don’t have to spend money strolling on the boardwalk or downtown window shopping with hot tea or coffee and enjoying each other’s company.
There is much to be said about couples who do things together, so create a plan of action and watch your relationship flourish.
Discussion: What other tips can you offer our CBB reader needing management tips for her marriage? Drop a comment below.
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