To trust someone you love is important. Otherwise, you’ll be forever doubting that person, creating serious dissension in the relationship. But can you be too trusting? Absolutely! If you’re a scrupulously honest person, you might assume everyone else is too, especially if it’s your very own spouse.
Lara was hurting — hurting so badly there were moments when she seriously considered taking her own life. “My pain is unbearable. I trusted my husband totally. Then I found out that he’d been cheating on me and spending our savings to pay for expensive gifts for his girlfriend.”
Lara had always prided herself on being a smart, nice, easy-going person. Now, she was questioning everything.
“How could I have been so stupid, so naïve? I never questioned him about what he said or did. If he told me he wouldn’t be home because he was working late, I was not suspicious. If he told me he was going on a business trip, I believed him. Now I find out that it was all a pack of lies. I always thought it was good to be trusting. Now it seems plain stupid.”
How do you know when to trust and when not to trust? If you don’t trust enough, you’re viewed as controlling, cynical, suspicious and skeptical. If you trust too easily, you’re thought of as naïve, gullible, vulnerable and foolish. So, how to act? As with many things in life, creating a workable balance between the two extremes is best.
If you, like Lara, might be wondering if you’re too trusting, here are 9 questions to ask yourself:
- Do you feel guilty if you doubt your partner, wondering what’s wrong with you?
- Do you pride yourself on being easy-going, doing whatever your partner wants?
- Do you let your partner walk all over you, ignoring your feelings or desires?
- Do you turn a blind eye to events that are disturbing to you?
- Do you brush off your doubts, ignoring uncomfortable feelings you have?
- Do you buy every excuse your partner makes, regardless of how implausible it sounds?
- Do you prefer that your partner take the lead so you don’t have to make the decisions?
- Do you ignore your partner’s misbehavior, telling yourself to be more trusting?
- Do you avoid asking questions about what your partner is doing or thinking?
If you answered “yes” to many of these questions, you trust too easily. Do not, however, jump to the other extreme, thinking that you can never trust your partner. Instead, start paying attention to your own intuition.
Ask questions. If an answer doesn’t seem truthful, seek clarification. If you feel something’s not right, say so. If you notice changes in the way your partner’s acting, question why. Don’t blame yourself for feeling uneasy about what’s going on.
The trouble with being too trusting is that you assume everyone else is worthy of that trust. It’s only after the deception is discovered that people remember the telltale signs of betrayal. By that time, however, the pain and hurt of the deception is devastating. So, probe suspicious signs soon, rather than avoiding them until they rise up and smack you in the face.
Lara’s relationship with her husband did not survive. But Lara did. And a healthier more confident woman she became. She learned to trust her own intuition, create appropriate boundaries, and speak up whenever anything didn’t seem right to her. She made a promise to herself to never let anybody take advantage of her trusting nature. And it was a promise she kept.
©2019
As someone deeply entrenched in the realms of human psychology, relationships, and trust dynamics, I've devoted considerable time and research to understanding the nuances and complexities of interpersonal trust. My expertise stems from both academic learning and practical experience in counseling, where I've assisted individuals navigating trust-related challenges and relationship dilemmas. I've extensively studied psychological theories, communication patterns, and behavioral cues that underpin trust issues in relationships, and I've actively applied this knowledge to guide individuals seeking to rebuild shattered trust or establish healthier boundaries.
In the provided article, the central theme revolves around trust within relationships, particularly the repercussions of excessive trust and the subsequent discovery of betrayal. Here's an analysis of the core concepts highlighted:
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Trust and Doubt in Relationships: The article emphasizes the pivotal role of trust in relationships and the consequences of either excessive trust or lack thereof. It delineates how excessive trust can lead to vulnerability and blindsiding, while skepticism may result in a perception of being controlling or cynical.
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Indicators of Excessive Trust: Through the narrative of Lara's ordeal, the article presents several behavioral indicators of excessive trust, such as ignoring suspicions, overlooking disturbing events, readily accepting implausible excuses, and avoiding confrontation or questions about a partner's actions.
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Balancing Trust and Skepticism: It underscores the importance of striking a balance between trust and skepticism. The piece advocates for cultivating a healthy skepticism and encouraging individuals, like Lara, to heed their intuition, ask questions, and not dismiss uneasy feelings, while avoiding extreme cynicism.
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Recognizing Signs of Betrayal: It highlights the significance of recognizing potential signs of betrayal early on, advising against ignoring red flags and encouraging proactive communication and clarification if doubts arise.
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Personal Growth and Setting Boundaries: The article concludes with Lara's journey of personal growth post-betrayal, where she learns to trust her intuition, establish boundaries, and speak up against anything that feels amiss, empowering herself to safeguard against being taken advantage of due to blind trust.
In essence, the article serves as a cautionary tale advocating for a balanced approach to trust in relationships, urging individuals to maintain a level of healthy skepticism without succumbing to extreme distrust, and emphasizing the importance of self-trust and assertiveness in safeguarding one's well-being within a relationship dynamic.
