5 Methods For Overcoming Working Mom Guilt (2024)

If there’s one thing that all moms have in common, it’s the mother’s guilt we all feel from time to time. We want to provide our children with the best life, be the best mom we can be and often lay in bed at night regretting the times we yelled or were impatient. Its part of the role we play in raising our children. We feel guilt on a variety of occasions, for things we should, would or could do if we had the choice. Perhaps one of the strongest scenariosfor many women is “Working Mom Guilt.” For many years, the “ideal” image of a family is for the father to work and provide financially for the family and the mother to stay at home and provide emotionally. But these are different times we live in and women participate in the work force for a number of reasons. It’s no small decision to work outside the home for a mother, so why all the guilt when you’ve finally decided it’s what’s best for your family? Because you still want it all! If this sounds like you, then continue reading for some tips on overcoming your guilt and embracing your professional life.

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1. Own It

You’ve made the difficult decision to work which inherently takes you away from spending time with your children, and I bet you decided it because you need the extra income, love your job, want to set a good example to your kids or just need to do something that gives you a break. Good.For.You. You are doing what is best for your family, which is a good thing! You may be a woman who feels it wasn’t your decision to go back to work and may feel resentment on top of your guilt. Its time to focus on the things your job will provide you, and not the things it is “taking away.” You can purchase the extra coat you daughter needs, save for college and contribute to your summer vacation trip. Yes, you may not spend every moment with your children, but as long as they know you love them enough to provide for them, doesn’t that make it a bit easier?

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2. Set Realistic Expectations For Your Role As A Mom

Somewhere a long the road, being a “good parent” has evolved into the ultimate helicopter, I’m my kid’s best friend, I go to every award ceremony, game and activity and I look happy while doing it parent. It’s impossible to keep up, and you will probably spend your evenings contemplatingall the things you should have done. Look, even a stay at home mom can’t/doesn’t want to go to every event, read bed time stories, cook every meal, get up in the morning. You are doing an amazing and brave thing by working, and you can’t physically do it all. Give yourself grace and allow for real life to happen.

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3. Accept That Other Moms Will Be Critical

This is probably the hardest obstacle to overcome with working moms, because we still want to feel loved and accepted by our peer mothers. There will always be someone who is negative about your working, telling you it’s your job to be at home. Wasn’t that why you had kids? More often than not, those moms have just as much guilt as you do, but over different things and they are probably sharing their “right” opinion with you to disguise their own parenting doubts. Don’t give into the guilt someone else is trying to heap on you, but do what you already know is right for your family.

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4. Make Time With Your Kids Count

At the end of the day, you get to spend time with your kids and it can be hard to completely debrief yourself from the hectic day if you’re coming straight fromthe office. Do your best to be present when you’re with your kids. Put off that return call to your boss, replying to emails or finishing up a project until they’ve gone to bed. The best part about getting off work is leaving it behind and doing what you love! Make the time with your kids the best part of your day, and do it unhindered by work.

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5. Admit It- You’re Happy Working

All women love being parents to our children, even on the hard days. You may feel it’s almost wrong to admit that you also love working because your role as a mother is most important. But that may not be the case. Children are a huge focus of our lives, but that doesn’t mean that your life has to revolve around them! You can still admit you enjoy working- contributing to a large project, achieving personal goals and feeling good about your accomplishments. You can do all this and still be a great mom who loves her children just as much as a mother who spends every waking moment with their kids. In fact, you may be an even better mom than you would be if you were at home, if you’re cut out to work. We are all the best version of ourselves when we do what we were made to do, and for you that may be working and that’s ok!

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Karly Wood

Editor at Red Tricycle

I'm a born and bred Southern California native and currently the managing editor at Red Tri. I get to share my life with my husband of 13 years and our beautiful, 5-year old daughter. In my free time you'll catch me cheering for the Dodgers, cooking, baking, reading, crafting and probably watching a little HGTV!

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Karly Wood

Editor at Red Tricycle

I'm a born and bred Southern California native and currently the managing editor at Red Tri. I get to share my life with my husband of 13 years and our beautiful, 5-year old daughter. In my free time you'll catch me cheering for the Dodgers, cooking, baking, reading, crafting and probably watching a little HGTV!

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Latest posts by Karly Wood (see all)

  • 15 Wonderful White Kitchens - January 14, 2019
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  • DIY Heart-Shaped Valentine’s Day Wreath - January 4, 2019

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Karly Wood

I'm a born and bred Southern California native and currently the managing editor at Red Tri. I get to share my life with my husband of 13 years and our beautiful, 5-year old daughter. In my free time you'll catch me cheering for the Dodgers, cooking, baking, reading, crafting and probably watching a little HGTV!

5 Methods For Overcoming Working Mom Guilt (2024)

FAQs

How do I get over my guilt of working mother? ›

One of the ways to overcome this working mom guilt is to keep everything in perspective on both sides. If you miss one meeting at work, it doesn't mean your career is over. But this applies on the other side as well—if you miss some soccer games or recitals, your children won't feel abandoned.

What is depleted mother syndrome? ›

Mom burnout sometimes called depleted mother syndrome, is the feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment caused by intense child care demands. Burnout is the result of too much stress and a lack of resources for coping with it.

How do I resolve my mom's guilt? ›

How can you manage mom guilt?
  1. Help yourself first. ...
  2. Share your responsibilities. ...
  3. Surround yourself with supportive people — and shake off the rest. ...
  4. Recognize irrational thoughts. ...
  5. Avoid the bragging game. ...
  6. Nurture your relationships. ...
  7. Talk to a professional.

What does mom overwhelm look like? ›

In her book, Ziegler, who now has three kids under 11, notes that signs of burnout also include having too little energy to speak to friends, having less interest in sex, erratic and unhealthy eating, and self-deprecation. “A hallmark of mommy burnout is that you no longer feel good at your job,” Ziegler says.

What does mom exhaustion feel like? ›

Typical mommy burnout symptoms include: Feeling drained and emotionally empty. Emotionally distancing yourself from your children. Losing control, either verbally or physically, with your children.

What is mommy brain fog? ›

Blumenstein chalked the experience up to "mommy brain," a side-effect of pregnancy that many mothers report experiencing. Also known as "pregnancy brain" and "momnesia," the condition is often characterized by increased forgetfulness of appointments, dates and names, and a loss of focus on things other than the baby.

What does an emotionally absent mother look like? ›

Some signs suggesting a parent is emotionally unavailable include: They seem impatient or indifferent. They don't discuss emotions, especially negative ones. They don't do activities with you.

How do I shut down guilt? ›

Meditation, exercise, talking with a friend, walking a dog, listening to music, prayer, getting a massage, or whatever tricks work for you to reduce anxiety will reduce feelings of guilt.”

How do I forgive myself for my mom guilt? ›

How to Forgive Myself When I Make Mistakes as a Parent
  1. Assess the Situation. ...
  2. Allow Yourself to Feel Guilty, But Don't Get Stuck There. ...
  3. Admit Your Faults and Own Your Mistakes. ...
  4. Sincere Apologies. ...
  5. Forgive Yourself. ...
  6. Let Experience Teach You. ...
  7. Make Time for Yourself. ...
  8. Consider What's Important.
Dec 7, 2023

How to be a guilt free mother? ›

When you find yourself feeling that guilt feeling about something, rather than staying in that thought process, try pivoting away from the irrational thoughts that grab you and chain you down. Decide that when you find your mind starts to go to a mom guilt thought, you will change your focus.

What does motherhood burnout look like? ›

Feeling disconnected or isolated from others, including one's children. Feeling mom guilt about behaviors, reactions, thoughts or feelings, or about not spending enough time with your children. Feeling like you're an inadequate parent. Feeling anxious or overly focused on what comes next.

What does stay at home mom burnout look like? ›

If you're a stay-at-home mom and are feeling drained, disconnected, and inadequate, these are signs that you may be dealing with parental burnout. Parental burnout is defined as a combination of three distinct experiences: Feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Feeling emotionally distant from your children.

What is at the root of feeling overwhelmed? ›

Common reasons for feeling overwhelmed

Sometimes, a series of hardships and challenges occurring in rapid succession can trigger someone to feel overcome by unwieldy emotions. Common experiences that can lead to emotional overwhelm can include: Relationship issues. Physical or mental health illness.

What are the symptoms of absent mother syndrome? ›

Behavioral Indicators of an Absent Mother's Impact:
  • Attachment Issues: Children may develop attachment disorders, manifesting as either clinginess or emotional detachment.
  • Self-Esteem Challenges: Low self-worth often stems from internalizing the lack of maternal presence.

Is depleted mother syndrome in the DSM 5? ›

(It is not included in the DSM-5, often called the “bible” of psychiatry in the United States.) “As with burnout, parental burnout is defined as physical, emotional and mental exhaustion due to the ongoing demands of caring for one's children,” said Dr. Jennifer Yen, a psychiatrist at UTHealth Houston.

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