Forgiveness does not come naturally. In fact, it is supernatural.
It is God's way—His idea.
Let me suggest a fairly straightforward process to forgiveness. This process consists of four simple stages.
1. Hurt: Identify, experience and express your feelings.
Label them as specifically as you can. Think back to what gave rise to these feelings.
Who did this to you?
When did it occur?
Where did it happen?
2. Hate: If you have been hurt, you hate.
It is not wrong to hate; in fact, we are supposed to hate what God hates.
Hate sin, not the sinner. Make this distinction to be sure your hate is directed toward a permissible target.
Unconfessed, persistent hatred often leads to depression.
3. Hook: Acknowledge the deceptive feeling of control.
Refusing to forgive provides a feeling of power, but this feeling is deceptive as it is really a cover for your own sense of hurt and vulnerability.
Refuse to be a victim.
Cancel the debt.
Move on with your life.
Allow God to be the justice maker.
Revenge feels good for a time; but ultimately, it does not work. The pain you give can never cancel the pain you have received. Get out of the way and let God take care of this.
4. Heal: Forgiveness is both an event and a process.
Giving forgiveness to an offender is an event.
Finding relief from your own pain is a process.
It takes time.
You must keep opening your hurt heart to God, and you will experience healing over time.
Completing the Stages of Forgiveness
One day you will wake up and find yourself thinking differently about the one who hurt you. You may never like or trust this person, but the intensity of your hurt will diminish. One day you will find yourself praying for your offender. Soon you will realize you are free. Forgiveness is the road to freedom. But it makes little sense unless seen in the context of Christ's forgiveness toward you.
"And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ." — Eph. 4:32 (CSB)
Stuart Rothberg is teaching pastor, Sagemont Church, Houston, Texas. Adapted from a previously published article, used by permission.
In exploring forgiveness, it's important to recognize its multifaceted nature and the varying perspectives surrounding it. Forgiveness, often perceived as a supernatural act, involves intricate psychological, emotional, and sometimes spiritual dimensions. My background encompasses a deep dive into psychological theories and studies on forgiveness, complemented by an understanding of various religious and philosophical viewpoints on the subject.
The article you provided delves into forgiveness from a theological standpoint, intertwining it with emotional and psychological processes. It outlines a four-stage approach to forgiveness, emphasizing the complexity of emotions and the gradual progression towards healing:
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Hurt: This stage encourages the acknowledgment and expression of feelings associated with the hurt. It prompts individuals to identify the source, timing, and context of their pain, allowing for a clearer understanding of the emotional triggers.
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Hate: Addressing the natural response of harboring negative emotions after being hurt, this stage navigates the distinction between hating the action (sin) rather than the individual. It aligns with certain religious ideologies that emphasize detesting wrongful deeds while maintaining compassion for the wrongdoer.
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Hook: Acknowledging the deceptive nature of holding onto resentment and refusing to forgive, this stage highlights the false sense of control derived from withholding forgiveness. It encourages a shift from victimhood to empowerment through the act of forgiveness and allowing a higher power (often referenced as God) to oversee justice.
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Heal: This final stage elucidates forgiveness as a continuous process, not merely a one-time event. It emphasizes the gradual nature of healing and the importance of consistently opening up to emotional recovery, gradually lessening the intensity of hurt feelings over time.
The article ultimately proposes that forgiveness leads to personal freedom, even if it doesn't necessitate liking or fully trusting the offender. It brings into focus the idea that forgiveness, as reflected in Ephesians 4:32, correlates with the forgiveness extended by a higher power, suggesting a divine model for human forgiveness.
Stuart Rothberg's teaching, grounded in theological principles and possibly informed by psychological perspectives, offers a structured pathway towards forgiveness, merging emotional healing with spiritual guidance.
