14 things to consider when talking to your boss about your mental health (2024)

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1. Remember it's no different to reporting a physical health problem

Licensed clinical social worker and therapist Ashley Lowe-Simmons told Insider many cases of mental illness go unreported because of societal perspective on mental health. In fact, an estimated 15%of the population believes that people with mental illness are considered a burden to society.

But there isn't any difference in reporting a mental health problem to a physical one, according to Paul McLaren, a consultant psychiatrist at Priory. It just feels different.

"When we are depressed, we often have strong feelings of shame about how we are feeling," he told Insider. "That is not just a psychological reaction but part of the biology of depression. Shame leads us to hiding away but hiding away makes our situation worse in the workplace and elsewhere."

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2. Write down what you're feeling

If you can't find the words to explain how you feel, or the help you may need from your employer, McLaren recommends writing it down first in an email or letter. Then "check it and run it past someone close," he said.

Lowe-Simmons said it's also worth reviewing the company's policy and procedure documents to make sure you're familiar with them.

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3. Focus on your productivity and ability to do your job

McLaren said you should steer the conversation towards how your mental health is impacting your work and productivity, rather than focusing on how you feel. That way, you can come up with a way to work together and improve the situation.

"Remember, your employer will want to help you, not least because it makes good business sense," he said.

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4. Remember it's fine to say 'no'

Lowe-Simmons said you should feel comfortable with speaking up about your own limitations if you are given a task you are unable to do.

"It is okay to say no," she said. "I understand this brings on the fear of job loss but there are certain soft skills that people possess that can be used in any job."

If you fear getting fired for speaking up for your needs, she added, "understand that the job may not be meant for you and you can use your skills to help obtain another position with another company."

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5. Focus on gratitude

Psychologist and behavioral analyst Reena B. Patel told Insider it's important to "acknowledge your courage" in seeking help at work, and to thank your superior for listening.

"Start with a gratitude statement sharing that you appreciate the time your boss has taken to talk," she said.

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6. Be specific about what is being affected

Patel also recommended being specific about how your situation is affecting you at work.

She suggested sharing a specific example, such as your family life being a major source of anxiety, depression, stress, etc.

But, she added, "you do not have to disclose the trigger or when you may have been diagnosed."

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7. It's up to you how much you want to disclose

You can be completely honest, or keep the majority of your situation to yourself — it's entirely up to you.

Lowe-Simmons suggested never going into detail or specifics "because that could lead your boss into wondering about your capacity to do the work."

"I would explain that I have some things that I am currently working through with a professional," she said. "Make sure you connect to a professional first so that you aren't trying to just figure things out on your own. Vague but direct would be best when sharing information about your mental health."

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8. Don't sweat about the so-called stigma

Stigma and discrimination about mental health is "not allowed" to exist in the workplace in our current world, said McLaren.

"Most responsible employers recognize that and many take positive steps to reduce it through educating their workforce about mental, as well as physical, wellbeing," he said.

This isn't always the case, but companies that react badly to an employee with a mental health issue have something wrong at their core.

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9. Consider a mediator

Sometimes, you might think you can't talk to your boss, because they won't be understanding, or fair. In this case, you may want to seek help from a mediator.

"You don't have to do this alone if you don't want to," said McLaren. "Help and support can often be found in your HR department, through a trusted colleague, via an occupational health officer, or a representative from a union."

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10. Try 'the sandwich method'

Lowe-Simmons said she was a fan of "the sandwich method" of communication, characterised by "using 'I' statements."

She wrote the following example for someone looking to take two weeks off work for their mental wellbeing:

"I feel that this is an amazing company to work for and I am excited about my future with the company, however I will be taking two weeks off to do some regrouping to prepare for additional opportunities with the company. I would like to know the next steps in securing the time off."

Alternatively, you could ask a doctor or therapist to have them draft up a letter for your employer, she said.

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11. Consider that your boss may be more receptive than you think

Your boss may be more understanding than you think, McLaren said.

"These days mental ill health is the commonest reason for sickness absence," he said. "Between one in five and one in six people will seek help for depression at some time, so the chances are someone in your office or management team will have direct experience of it — either through having suffered themselves or being close to someone who did."

12. Check what your work offers

Companies will likely want to invest in their employee wellbeing, said McLaren, and this could include free phone counseling or face-to-face therapy. It's good to see what they offer, because you may find it hugely beneficial.

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13. Give them feedback

If your company was really helpful, let them know. If you were still left feeling lost and alone, they should know that too.

"Let your employer know how they did," McLaren said. "What was helpful for you when you were struggling? Help your organisation to learn from your experience."

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14. Always speak up

The best case scenario of sharing your mental health situation with your boss is that they are empathic and understanding and agrees to your time off, without many questions asked.

But the worst case scenario is that they push back, ask loads of follow-up questions, and make you uneasy.

"You have to use discretion in what you share because once you release it you are not in control of how the information will be used," Lowe-Simmons said.

By speaking up, you help yourself, your company, and future employees who may find themselves struggling in the same way, McLaren added.

"As a valued employee, with knowledge and experience, your firm has invested time and training in you and want you to be productive," he said. "When we get depressed, we lose sight of that. By speaking up, you are helping yourself — and them."

This article was first published in September 2018, but has been updated in May 2023 to include more experts and information.