You can do a lot with these accounting jokes. You can tell them at work and make all of your co-workers feel bad for your sense of humor. You can tell them at a bar and get ignored. You can tell them on your vacation and contemplate your priorities. Your options are truly endless once you start defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people.
All of these accounting jokes come from the world famous literary classic “Financial Jokes for Financial Folks”. Some say it’s the greatest coffee book table of all time. You’d be surprised how many people, even non-financial people, pick up this book and laugh out loud. There’s just something about a good accounting joke that brightens a room.
If you enjoy the jokes on this page then you have the opportunity to buy them in book form to share with all your friends… or folks you don’t like.
This book and website were written and built by a guy named Andrew Worden. For twenty seven years he’s been cracking puns like they’re knuckles on the hands of someone who cracks their knuckles way too much.
Accounting Jokes
Why can’t the car payment make any friends?
Because they’re always “a loan”
My company keeps overspending trying to move this giant rock…
In other words, they can’t budget!
How did the accountant unlock their door?
They used their ten key
Why do fixed interest rates smell so bad?
Because they never change
I keep trying to tell my accounting jokes at work…
But my boss says it’s hardly “material”
What did the financially responsible student do to get good grades?
They paid off their “principal”
What do you call really tall expenses?
Overhead
Why did the accountant push the salaries, wages, and bonuses down the hill?
She wanted to see the payroll
Why did the financial analyst give his daughter gifts today instead of waiting until Christmas?
Because he understands “Present Value”
Did you hear about the new superhero, Accounts Payable Woman?
She had superhuman li-abilities
Why are weather stations so bad at budgeting?
Because they can only do a 10-day forecast
My accounting friend is so mean…
She always laughs at my “expense”
Why do investors always buy Altoids?
They’re great invest-mints!
Did you hear about the accountant who threw a dictionary on the grill?
He was trying to cook the books
What kind of spices does an accountant put on their steak?
Tax season-ing
Why did the cowboy walk into the financial advisor’s office?
He was told it was a bull market
Why did Grizzly Adams walk into the financial advisor’s office?
He was told it was a bear market
Why did the Accounting Department host an awards show?
To give the revenue recognition
Why was the expense late to the party?
He forgot to put it on his fiscal schedule
Why should you buy stock in the boulder company?
Because it’s a rock solid investment!
Why was the accountant sitting on her front porch?
She was waiting for her tax to return
How come CFOs never use lowercase letters?
Because they’re in charge of the “Capital” structure
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What kind of debt did the secret agent issue?
A bond, James Bond.
Why was the banker bad at playing music?
Because they only knew how to play a Treasury note
What does an accountant use to hang decorations?
Tax
How do you tell an accountant to be quiet?
You tell them to use their invoice
What do you call a vendor that never tells the truth?
A Supp-liar
What do you call a marathon for Accounts Payable Analysts?
A settlement run
I bite all my quarters…
Now I have a lot of bitcoin
How did the Medical Plan say goodbye?
Deductible waived
Why did the cash analyst become a pirate?
Because she knew a lot about treasury
How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
He used his carpe per diem
Great paperback full of financial jokes that will get your financially savvy friends AND non-financially savvy friends cracking up with laughter. Pleasantly surprised by the book's quality and aesthetically pleasing cover and pages. The page layout was great and would be a good addition to anyone's personal or professional book collection!
CourtneyLaughter for days!
This book is great all around. Its simple, clever, and witty. Will not disappoint, with laughs in even the most unexpected areas.
Charles GouldGreat laughs
This book—written in a similar style as “Dad Jokes”—is a must-have for any accounting office! We start our team meetings with one or two of the jokes from this book and it has helped our meetings improve in terms of a bit of levity and camaraderie.
FHWHMakes office meetings so much better!
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Why are Accounts Receivable playing cards so rare?
Because all of them have yet to be collected
What do you call a mean bill that hasn’t been paid yet?
“Accrued” Expense
Why did the investor think he could sell his lakefront property quickly?
Because it was liquid
Why did the accountant keep falling over?
She couldn’t find her balance sheet
Did you hear about the accountant with the integrity of a set of novels?
They had a lot of “book values”
Why was the accountant’s self-esteem always so low?
Because he never gave himself enough “credit”
How come the accountant never gave the asset any credit?
Because she didn’t want to bring him down
I stopped inviting Diversification over for board game night…
They never wanted to play “risk”
What do you call the military officer in charge of accounting?
General Ledger
Where’s the accountant’s favorite place to shop?
The GAAP
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More Accounting Jokes
What do you call an “inventory” of boats?
Finished goods available for sail
Did you hear about the creditor who got bored?
He lost interest
What do you call a liability without any friends?
A loan
I repaired the building we pay rent for…
It’s safe to say it’s a “fixed” cost
What do you call it when a group of executives falls back during battle?
A corporate retreat
Why did the clean freak hate dealing with Cost of Goods Sold?
Because it always made their profit “gross”
P & L went to make an announcement…
Well I guess it was less of an announcement and more of an income statement
Why did the clown business go bankrupt after 5 years?
They had a large balloon loan
What kind of costs does a dishes company have?
They vary a bowl (variable)
Did you hear about the butter company who switched to accrual-based accounting?
They started recording income when it’s actually “churned”
Did you hear about all the shared expenses going to Hawaii?
It was their allo-cation
How did the mortgage on the deserted island feel?
A loan
What do you call dogs trying to establish an LLC?
Creating their “beagle” structure
Why are rabbits so focused on working capital?
It’s necessary for maintaining day to day “hop-erations”
How do you tell how profitable a butter company is?
Look at the “net margarine”
Why was the fishing store so valuable?
It had a lot of “net” worth
What do you call it when Quickbooks enters the atmosphere?
Journal Entry
Have you heard of car accident liquidity?
It’s how quickly something can be converted into “crash”
Did you hear about the well-funded alphabet company?
They had 26 sources of “capital”
Why is prepaid expense soup so thick?
Because it’s reduced every month
I really can’t believe you just read all of those…
If you’re hungry for more than you can navigate over to the home page to see my newest accounting jokes!
