The gauntlet has been thrown.
We’re not sure why our sister site NJ.com decided to troll us with their alleged list of “10 reasons why New Jersey is better than Pennsylvania,” especially since it’s comes off as the equivalent of laughing at passengers on the Lusitania while lounging on the deck of the Titanic, post-iceberg.
One thing is for sure, we’re certainly not going to take this sort of thing lying down. Not when there are so many glaring examples of why the Keystone state is better than New Jersey (and we’re not just talking general acreage here).
As someone who grew up in the Garden State, I have taken it upon myself to provide a counterpoint to NJ’s (honestly rather weak) list. We didn’t start this fight, but we’re going to finish it.
And if all this seems mean and harsh NJ, take solace in the fact that at least you’re not Florida.
1) We can pump our own gas.
People who live in a state that doesn’t allow for self-service really have no business making fun of the other 49 IMHO. My poor sainted mother would get incredibly flustered when visiting me and forced to figure out how to operate a gas pump. I soon found out she wasn’t the only one. If traveling out of state leaves you all in a tizzy because you don’t know how to get your tank from E to F without assistance ... perhaps your state has failed you.
2) People in NJ can’t drive.
This is a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason, namely that it’s true. You don’t actually realize how truly bad New Jersey drivers are until you’ve tried to merge onto or off one of their highways (preferably the 17/4 interchange). New Jersey drivers are so bad that people from Boston come down and are like, “Learn how to drive pahl.” It doesn’t help that the merge lanes are so horrendous there, which brings me to ...
3) The roads are awful
Yes, the Pa. Turnpike is long and dull. And yes, there are lots of potholes on the local roads. We know. It’s a really big state that requires a lot of infrastructure. But what excuse does New Jersey have exactly for the state of its roads? The potholes there laugh at ours scornfully. And you know that “what exit” joke people make when you tell them you’re from NJ? There’s a reason for that: the state is crammed with ugly turnpikes, parkways and three-lane roads that crowd out everything else. Say what you want about Pa. -- at least no one here identifies with a highway exit.
4) We have actual sports teams
How many professional baseball teams does New Jersey have again? How many NBA teams? Oh, that’s right. None. And don’t give me that “the Giants and Jets play at the Meadowlands so they’re actually a New Jersey team” nonsense. What state is in front of their name again?
As far as I can tell, New Jersey has just one sports team, the Devils. Pennsylvania meanwhile has ... let’s see ... the Steelers, the Eagles, the Penguins, the Flyers, The Phillies, the Pirates ... need I go on?
5) Pa. has a rich musical legacy. NJ has Bruce Springsteen.
Yes, we know, Bruce Springsteen is from N.J. Your state’s denizens never let us forget it. Why, it’s almost as if he’s the only musician of note to come from the state. But what beloved musicians come from the Keystone state I hear you ask? Well, there’s Pink, Trent Reznor, Patti LaBelle, Will Smith, Meek Mill, The Roots, Poison, Halestorm, Perry Como, Todd Rundgren, Billie Holliday, Jim Croce, Jill Scott and yes, Hall and Oates. And perhaps you’ve heard of something called Philadelphia soul? Even Taylor Swift grew up here (for a while anyway) for Pete’s sake.
6) Mister Rogers
One of the nicest people to ever be born in this country -- a symbol for kindness, decency and the importance of education everywhere -- was born and raised in Pennsylvania and made it his home throughout his life. Nuff said.
7) Pennsylvania is scenic
The joke (notice there are a lot of familiar jokes about New Jersey) is that it’s the Garden State only if you’re growing smokestacks. That’s not entirely fair. New Jersey has beaches, some of which are nice, although not that enjoyable when it’s crammed with every Snooki-loving lout in the northeast. Pennsylvania, meanwhile, has miles and miles of gorgeous forests, valleys, lakes, waterfalls and trails worth exploring. Which you’d know NJ.com if you dared to drive past the Philly borders every once in a while.
8) Actual history happened here
No, we actually don’t think all that Revolutionary War history is “a little much,” as you so kindly put it NJ.com. We’re actually kind of proud that two obscure documents known as the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were written in this state. Not to mention all the other history that led to the founding of this country. Yes, there is the occasional tourist trap but that comes with the territory. It’s just a reminder of all the awesome things that happened in this state.
9) We’re known for ice cream and beer.
Seriously, we produce a ton of both here in Pa. Last time I checked, there are 31 independent creameries and over 400 craft breweries (one of them being the oldest brewery in the country by the way). Don’t say we don’t know how to have fun. New Jersey, meanwhile, has the pork roll. Stand tall Garden State.
10) Pa. has a better cost of living
According to Salary.com, the cost of living in Jersey City is 58.8% higher than in Philadelphia. The median Pennsylvania property tax is about $2,852, while in New Jersey it’s about $8,362. Houses tend to be more expensive there and sales tax is higher in N.J., too. And unlike in N.J., your retirement income isn’t taxed in Pa. All of which tends to beg the question: What exactly are you getting for your money oh citizens of New Jersey?
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